Some Helpful Hints for Revising Technical Writing Effectively

One aim of writers is to achieve a readable style. One part of a readable style is writing grammatically correct prose. Some points follow that can be fixed with easy revision to help "tighten up" one's writing. For more work in these areas, check the corresponding page numbers in Lannon (given in parentheses); a grammar handbook is also a good follow up.

Active/passive voice (pp. 220-223): In the active voice, the subject acts. In the passive voice, the subject is acted upon.

Active: I peeled the onions.

Passive: The onions were peeled by me.

Several differences are apparent in these two sentences. First, the second (passive) version takes two more words to say exactly the same thing. Next, the second version does not tell the reader who is doing the action unless the bulky prepositional phrase--by me--is added. Finally, the second version requires the use of a weak to be verb plus a participle (were peeled) instead of an action verb (peeled).

Is the passive voice ever appropriate? Yes--when the writer wants to hide the doer, either because the doer is unimportant, or because using the passive avoids placing any blame. (Examples: The flight was canceled. The form is not signed.) But in most cases, the active voice is the most direct and efficient to use.

Hint #2

There is / there are / there was / and so forth (there + any to be verb); also it is / it was (p. 226): These are called empty expletives or empty subjects for a good reason; these phrases, which are a lazy way of beginning a sentence and a lazy writing habit, add words without adding any meaning. Usually, the real noun and verb are already present in the sentence anyway, so correcting this bad habit takes little time. If the writer is working with a computer, fixing this error is even easier--the computer can search out these sentence structures for revision.

Incorrect: There are five nurses in the room.

Correct: Five nurses sat in the room.

Incorrect: It is hoped that you will all pass the course.

Correct: I hope you will all pass the course.

Correct: You should all pass the course.

Additionally, the new structure in the first sentence replaces a weak to be verb with a more colorful action verb that gives the reader a better sense of what the five nurses were doing in the room. In the second sentence, the writer takes responsibility for what is said. When it has an adequate antecedent, this sentence structure is OK. If the pronoun it does not refer back to an identifiable noun, however, then the referent is inadequate, and the sentence needs revision.

Hint #3

Weak verbs (see also #2 above) (p. 227-228): Using a weak verb in most cases requires the weak verb plus a participle of some type (is going, has gone, etc.). Using the stronger, "action" verb adds punch and spice to writing, and helps the writer avoid repetitive use of these weak verbs.

Hint #4

Clutter words (p. 230-231): These words add little to meaning, and they are frequently subjective. For instance, in talking about a journey, the writer might say the trip was a long way, or a very long way. Does the very add anything? And what is a long way for some may not be for others. Technical writing relies on specifics instead: we traveled for 5 hours, or, we covered 500 miles.

Hint #5

Simple and familiar words (pp. 235-237); jargon (pp. 237-238): The writer should generally select commonly-used words over more obscure words, as an aid to communication. A danger in selecting complex words is that the reader may not know what those complex words mean and communication will be blocked. Another pitfall occurs when a writer uses jargon that might go against standard use, or that a reader may not be familiar with. The writer's aim is to communicate, not to make the reader work to understand what has been written. The writer does not have to avoid the technical term if needed, but must be prepared to define it if necessary.

Hint #6

Imprecise words (pp. 240-243): The author of your textbook states this case very well; this section is worth careful review. No word is truly a synonym for any other. Words are affected by connotations, and usually one works much better than any other in a given sentence. Consider, for example, looking out the window at someone moving across campus. The writer can change the meaning of the sentence by inserting a similar, yet different, noun or verb: a student, teacher, transient, parent, administrator, child, girl, man, or woman; walked, ran, skipped, slouched, clumped, pedaled, squished (as in the rain), or crawled. A thesaurus frequently tempts a writer to casually and carelessly select words that don't really fit and thus a thesaurus should be used with caution.

Hint #7

Contractions (p. 246): When a writer wishes to be formal, contractions should be avoided.

Hint #8

You/your, I/we (p. 246-247): While some types of documents are a natural for this level of informality (as in memos, letters, and so forth), and some will require it (instructions, for example, are best given in second person imperative), the more formal document requires a more formal approach without these personal pronouns. The text gives some good examples. See also "Clarifying the Point of View," included in Packet #1.

Hint #9

Sexist language (pp. 249-251): Writers should try not to get carried away to the point of ridiculousness, but neither should they go out of the way to offend anyone. One approach to be avoided, however, is using a singular noun and a plural pronoun.

Incorrect: Each student should see an advisor before they register. [Explanation: Student is singular; they is plural.]

Correct: Students should see an advisor before they register.

Correct: Each student should see an advisor before registering.

Such uses as s/he, he or she, he/she become distracting to a reader after a while. Some writers correctly use he, him, his; these are the recognized neuter pronouns in the English language. Others use she, her, hers as an alternate. Both approaches are considered OK by some and sexist by some. Mixing pronouns (using he in one sentence or paragraph, and she in the next) is equally distracting to most readers. Using good common sense is the best approach (and helps avoid the ridiculous--one esteemed English professor suggested quite seriously that s/h/it should become the neuter pronoun, as it handily combines she, he, and it).

Hint #10

Its, it's: Simply stated, its is a possessive and it's is a contraction. If it's cannot be replaced with the words it is, the writer has the wrong form. The form its' does not exist. Its corresponds to such other possessives as yours, theirs, hers, his (no apostrophes).

Hint #11

Punctuating a series (pp. 637, 639): Grammarians have shifted back and forth on this issue. The most recent approach (except in the field of journalism) aims to make writing easier. In a series of three or more items, a comma comes before the conjunction (and, or).

Example: John had a bat, a ball, and a glove.

If commas appear within the series, the commas between the series become semi-colons.

Example: John had a broken, old bat; a dirty, grey ball; and a tacky, worn glove.

Always putting the punctuation in saves the writer time, as the writer then does not have to decide whether the sentence is clear or not without it.

Hint #12

Some miscellaneous minor, but not unimportant, points:

Due to means owed to or scheduled to, but does not show cause and effect or a causal relationship:

Incorrect: I arrived late due to traffic.

Correct: I arrived late because of traffic.

Correct: Traffic caused me to arrive late.

To feel is sensory and implies touch or emotion. Unless these meanings are intended, the verbs to think or to believe must be used. Writers do not, however, have to "qualify" what they write by inserting "I think" or "I believe." Other people's thoughts, beliefs, and ideas are indicated by quotation and citation; the rest of what is expressed in a paper is clearly the opinion of the author and need not be identified as such (p. 231).

Latin abbreviations (etc., i.e., e.g., for example) should be saved for parenthetical comments.

Hint #13

A vague this or that, particularly when used at the beginning of a sentence, can cause the reader to lose the gist of what's being said. The antecedent should be clear, or what this or that means should be specified.

Confusing: He frequently came late in the old battered car. This annoyed his friends. (Question: what caused the annoyance, the old battered car, or that he came late?)

Clear: He frequently came late in the old battered car. His tardiness annoyed his friends.

Clear: He frequently came late in the old battered car. The car's condition annoyed his friends.

Hint #14

A rule to memorize (pp. 644-645): Commas and periods always come inside quotation marks. Semicolons and colons always go outside quotation marks. For question marks and exclamation marks, the writer must look at the sentence to decide. If the part in quotation marks is the question/exclamation, the question mark/exclamation mark comes inside the quotation marks. If the question or exclamation is the entire sentence, then the question mark/exclamation mark goes outside the quotation marks.

Single quotation marks are only used when inside double quotation marks, even if only one word is accented. Another way to emphasize a single word is to underline it. Examples follow.

He said, "I will be late."

He said, "I will be late," but then came on time.

He thought the kitten was "cute."

He said, "I think that kitten is 'cute.'"

He said, "I will be late"; then he came on time.

"Think big": this is the motto of the group.

Were you there when he said, "This party stinks"?

He asked, "Are you there?"

She shouted, "Stop that noise!"

What a surprising remark, "Go home"!

Hint #15

A final note: While computer aids can be very helpful, they cannot always be relied on. For example, a grammar checker only works if the writer knows enough to make the correct grammatical choices. A thesaurus can sometimes cause a writer to insert a word that doesn't really work in a sentence (see #5 above). A speller can indicate if a word is incorrectly spelled, but it cannot pick out a properly spelled, but incorrect, word (such as two/to/too, there/their, wear/where, and so forth). Nothing can replace careful proofreading of the document.

Poem to the Spell Checker

by John Placona

I have a spelling checker.

It came with my PC.

It plainly marks four my review

Mistakes I cannot sea.

I've run this poem threw it,

I'm sure your pleased too no.

Its letter perfect in

it's weigh--

My checker tolled me sew.

Last updated 01/04/00