How to Find Help & Make It Work for Your Child

Heidi von Ravensberg

University of Oregon

2001

Do these things to find help for your child:

• Be clear about what you need.
• Ask for help.
• Do not give up.
• Learn about it.
• Save what you find.

Tips on How to “Be Clear About What You Need”

• Use clear words not unclear words.

Example:

Unclear: They told me to call you for help with my girl. Can you?

Clear: The staff at Kelly Middle School and I feel a drug support group will help my girl. Do you have a group for teens?

Help: Drug support group for teens

UNCLEAR CLEAR CLEARER

She/her/hers Hill Pat Hill, my 3^rd grade son’s teacher

He/him/his my son my son Tim Hanks

They/them/theirs Carla’s sisters Carla’s sisters, Maria and Rose

It/this/that the note the note dated May 1 saying Ben hits

Here/there Bill’s house Bill’s house in Portland

• Do not get personal. Tell the role and the duties.

Example:

Unclear: Mr. Carter hates my son.

Clear: The teacher wants students quiet when reading. A student talks during reading time. The teacher asks the student to stop. The student talks. The teacher reminds the student to stop. The student is full of energy all day long. The student just cannot quiet down.

Help: Find activity to use up extra energy, treat for ADHD, social skills training

Try this: My son needs a way to deal with his high energy so he can focus on his learning.

Personal: Mr. Carter, hates my son

Role: teacher

Teacher Duties: teach students to read, keep order in class

Personal: my son

Role: student

Student Duties: learn to read, be quiet when reading, stop talking when told

Tips on “Asking for Help”

• You are not the only one looking for help.
• Learn names and use them.
• A lot of people can point you to the help you need.
• Ask people to point you to the help you need (to give you a referral).
• Ask any of these people to point you to help (to give you a referral):
• Your child’s teacher
• Someone at your child’s school – principal, counselor
• Someone at the school’s community resource center
• Your doctor
• Family
• Friends
• A case worker
• Help or referral lines
• Other places that can point you to help:
• The telephone book
• The public library reference section (ask to see community resource guides)
• The Internet (at your child’s school, public library)

Tips on How Not to Give Up:

• Call during regular hours, or, if you cannot call then:
• Have someone call for you
• Leave a message for them
• Tell them what you want
• Tell them if it is an emergency or urgent
• Tell them you cannot call them during regular hours
• Ask them to call you back with their answer
• Give them your number
• Tell the person what you want in a few words

If you do not know exactly what you want:

• Tell them you are looking for information about . . .
• Ask them if they can help you with . . .

If they do not know anything:

• Tell them again what you want and use other words
• Ask them who it is they help
• Ask if they help parents or children
• Ask if there is another person there who can help
• Ask for a referral to some other place that can help
• Call back another day to see if things are better

If the person you want is not in:

• Ask when the person will be in
• Call back when the person is in
• Ask to leave a message
• Leave a message, tell the person:
• What you want
• If it is an emergency or urgent
• If you want to talk to them in person
• If you want them to leave you a message
• Your number or how to reach you

If you think the person is avoiding you:

He may just be hard to reach, try this:

• Leave messages for the person to call you
• Tell them what you want
• Ask them to return your call with an answer even if it is “no” or “I cannot help you”
• Tell them where you can be reached
• Write them a letter
• Ask when the person will be in and go there in person

She may not have what she needs to help. Try this:

• Ask what it is she needs so she can help
• Get her what she needs so she can help you

He may not be able to help. Try this:

• Ask him for a referral
• Ask him if someone else there can work with you

Tip on How to Learn More

• Learn the names that teachers and others use for things

Examples:

Slow – “Developmental problems, Learning Disabled”

Sad, upset, cries a lot – “Grief and loss issues”

Runs away, argues, throws fits – “Adjustment problems”

Hits, kicks -- “Behavior problems”

The name of someone who can help – “A referral”

See if he has the problem -- “Assessment”

Help kids one-on-one – “Individual therapy with child”

Help the whole family – “Family therapy”

Tips on How to Save What You Find:

• Put written things in a box or file
• Draw a line under names in the phonebook
• Put a star next to good help
• Put a check mark next to poor help
• Share your work with others who need help
• Print out the checklists below and use them:

CHECKLIST OF INFORMATION TO GIVE

q My name is ____

q I am the parent/guardian of a child with (name disability) ____

q My child's name is ____

q He/She is ____ years old

q We live in (City) ____

q He/She is in the ____ grade

q He/She attends school at ____ in the ____ school district

q I have copies of his/her (report card/attendance sheet/other) ____

q I want to speak to someone about:

q Getting information on what services you give

q Applying for services

q Getting help with ____

q Getting a referral for someone who can ____

q Filing a complaint about ____

q I need to speak with someone/have my message returned about this ____

q Immediately, it is an emergency

q Urgently, before (give time/date/event) ____

q As soon as possible

q I live at (street address) ____

q My mailing address is (if different) ____

q You can reach me by phone at ____

q This phone number is at my:

q Home/work

q Family member's home/work

q Friend's home/work

q Neighbor's home/work

q Other ____

q The best time to reach me in person at this phone number is:

q Any time

q Days

q Evenings

q Nights

q Weekends

q By appointment

q I pick up my phone messages:

q Throughout the day

q ____ Times a day

q ____ Times a week

q Only on ____

CHECKLIST OF INFORMATION TO GATHER

q Date you called?

q Time you called?

q Name of person/organization called?

q Telephone number?

q Name of person(s) you spoke to?

q His/her job title?

q His/her extension number or direct telephone number?

q His/her e-mail address?

q Mailing address?

q Physical location (if different)?

q FAX no.?

q Web address?

q Services/programs offered?

q Transportation available?

q Free material available?

q Price lists/catalogs available?

q Fees charged?

q Who pays?

q Scholarships/grants available? Who may apply? Application deadlines?

q Age requirements?

q Income requirements?

q Is a referral required? If yes, by whom?

q Is an application required?

q Other requirements?

q Are business hours limited?

q Is staffing limited?

q Are there other limitations on services?

q Who else do you suggest I call?

q Is there anything else I should do?