See also: Olson's Compatibility
             Queendom Satisfaction  Measure

                        Take the relationship test



                           Compiled by Sybil Carrère, Ph.D. University of Washington
                                                      (Out of Gottman Lab)
The following questionnaire can help you assess whether you are developing unhealthy communication patterns with your partner or whether the friendship in your relationship is intact.
 
     TRUE  FALSE 
1 When you think back to the first time you met your partner you remember all the details (time, location, what your partner was wearing, what he/she said) 

2 The two of you are pretty independent and have many activities or 
sports you participate in separately 

 3 It is hard to say exactly what it was that attracted you to your 
partner 

4 There are some behaviors your partner has you wish you could change 

5 Your partner loves to go on dates and do other romantic things 

 6 Your partner would remember the exact date and circumstances of when you first met 

7 The two of you have had some tough things happen in your relationship that were not under your control 

8 You find yourselves finishing each other sentences frequently 

9 You could name the person your partner admires most. 

10 Your partner is your very best friend 

11 Your partner probably wishes you would wait longer to get married 

12 Your partner frequently compliments you and tells you he/she loves you 
 

13 You decided to get married because it was the logical next step in
your relationship 

14 When you and your partner argue you both can get defensive 

15 You both think good communication is important and you emphasize it in your relationship 

16 Sometimes when the two of you argue you can get sarcastic with each 
other 

17 Sometimes you have had to struggle to make this relationship work 

18 You and your partner have pet names for each other 

19 Sometimes things happened between you and your partner that make you feel depressed 

20 You and your partner have the same beliefs, values and goals 


 
 How to work out your score:

You get one point for marking True on each of the following questions: 
1, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 18 and 20. 

You get one point for marking False on each of the following questions: 
2, 3, 4, 7, 11, 13, 14, 16, 17 and 19. 

WHAT YOUR SCORE MEANS

Scores of 16-20. Congratulations! You and your partner are building a
strong friendship and bond with each other. Your feelings of affection
and admiration for each other, the emphasis you put on knowing about what
is important to each other and your sense of unity all will help you
through the rough spots in your relationship.

Scores of 10-15. You have some good things going for you in your
relationship but you need to work on building and strengthening your
friendship. Happy couples have a deep sense of fondness and admiration
for each other. This fondness and admiration helps them discount the
times when their partner may be grumpy or thoughtless. Happy couples also
tend to put the relationship first and really think of themselves as a
unit. Knowing about each others' world is a real priority for happy
couples. They tend to know and care about little details such as what
kind of day you had at work, how your relationships are going with your
family and friends and other things that matter to you. Take more time
with your partner to know about what is important to each of you.
Remember to make your relationship a top priority. When you argue, and
all couples argue, remember it is the relationship that should win the
argument.

Scores below 10. It is time to take a hard look at your relationship to
see what you can do to improve it. Your relationship needs intensive care
if you and your partner don't feel fondness and admiration for each
other, if you tend to feel negative and depressed about your interactions
and if you don't feel as if you both take the time to really get to know
what matters to each of you.