Minutia

By Ryan Bornheimer

The “Rachel” Haircut

In 1995, every woman (and some men) in the United States was issued two things: a copy of the Friends soundtrack, and a fervent desire to have the ‘Rachel’ haircut, spawned from the same show. This shaggy, layered ‘do was the equivalent to the Farrah Fawcett/Charlie’s Angels ‘wings’ haircut, wildly popular in the late 70’s. Every woman and girl, no matter what texture, length or thickness of hair, marched blindly into their local SuperCuts and got the (mostly unattractive) layered cut, with some going so far as to get the same coloring as Jennifer Aniston’s character on the smash TV show.

Trolls

Big hair hasnt looked this good since Witney Houston permed her hair into a mane of crimped madness somewhere around 1983. These bulging bellies, wrinkled, triangular faces, bulging eyes and wily tufts of neon hair were toy cornerstones of the 90’s. Trolls; the 1951 masterpiece of Thomas Dam were originally wooden dolls modeled after a Danish legend. The wooden versions were slowly phased out by their naked vinyl grandchildren, who, in the 90’s, were the envy of third graders everywhere. Still, after waves of Hula Trolls, Skateboard Trolls, Animal Trolls and the old school naked troll, the lovable ugliness of the troll remains a constant in this world of hatred and confusion.

Baby Tees

These diminuitive, shoddily made t-shirts with tacky slogans like “hottie” and “natural girl” were the essential staple of the teenage girl’s wardrobe. Middle school hallways and cafeterias were seas of baby tees, which left midriffs bare and little to the imagination. The fashion fires were flanned by the emergence of Abercrombie and Fitch which transformed itself from a preppy alcove to the 14-year-old’s wet dream with the help of sexy “clothing” catalogues with naked models. Unfortunately, this is one of those trends that refuses to die, but instead morphs itself into another evil being. This time, the baby tee has recusitated itself in the form of the children’s-sized “vintage” soccer tees worn by the black glasses and messenger bag-clad army of emo and pop punk girls who once wore the blasphemy known as the baby tee.

Slap Bracelets

A classic example of the child’s darling and the teacher’s worst enemy. Slap bracelets, thin pieces of flexible plastic or metal with a colorful print or fabric cover, were both the chagrin and joy of many in the early 90’s. To the teacher and parent, slap bracelets were weapons, leaving rashes on the wrists and tears in the eyes. To children, slap bracelets were the cats pajamas, and there was no such thing as too many. Bans at elementary schools ensued, but the children persevered, and the legend of the slap bracelet will live forever.

LA Lights

From 1990-1993, these were the only shoes that cool kids would let their hallowed feet touch. Everything about these shoes was awesome; the lace shoeslaces, the contrasting piping, and yes, the lights that lit up when stepped on. LA Lights were awesome until some guy decided to burglarize a house wearing the aforementioned shoes. Upon leaving the scene, he’s spotted by some cops and is tracked down because his shoes gave him away. Nevermind, though..LA Lights are still pretty cool.

Tickle Me Elmo

Christmas, 1996 offered a classic example of the age-old principle of supply and demand. Tickle Me Elmo, a talking, googly-eyed ball of fur, was selling for hundreds of dollars and driving millions of parents across the Midwest mad because they couldn’t get a singing Muppet for their darling children. Conspiracy theories arose about secret warehouses full of the plush red consumer’s darling and angry mobs of the middle-aged ensued. Almost seven years later, unwanted Tickle Me Elmos lie in street gutters by the millions; dirty, tattered and most importantly, unloved. Please give love to a lonely Tickle Me Elmo by adopting one or more into your home. Call 1 800 TICKLE ME for more details.