Congrats, you've found the secret
This issue's secret message is:
Watch your back, Barrel
Man. We've got your number.
Powered by poop!
Alas, poor Dancing Jesus
He is lost forever
Our prayers are with Him
Somewhere above, He is looking down
Will binking Jesus ever live up to his legacy?
This is not a haiku.
Wow, you scrolled all the way down here? You deserve a
(541) 485-9647 for a free Secret Message T-shirt! Seriously, this is no
joke. You will recieve a free T-shirt if you simply call (541) 485-9647
right now. Honest, we can't lie about this sort of thing. It would be
fraud or something.