Feature

Happy Hour Specials

Put this on your refrigerator so you know when to drink. Do it now, before you forget.

Everybody knows that the more alcohol you drink, the drunker you get. Concurrently, the cheaper the drink, the more you drink and therefore, the cheaper the alcohol, the drunker you get. We hold these truths to be self-evident.

Any self-respecting bar has a period in the afternoon where drinks are cheaper. Most students know this as "happy hour." If it were up to the OLCC, no one would ever know when these times were, or what specials are offered during these times. Pursuant to Oregon Administrative Rules 845-07-005 to 035, bars are prohibited from advertising this information in any manner.

It is not however, against the law for the Oregon Commentator to collect this information and publish it for the convenience of our readership, presumably students more than familiar with the concept of a happy hour.

This is our editorial content, we received no compensation for any of this from any of the bars mentioned, and the OLCC will just have to deal with it.

To make matters more difficult, the OLCC prohibits bars from handing out this information over the telephone, so the staff had to visit each bar personally to obtain this valuable information. If any of the times or prices are off a little, well, we were drunk.