Spew
On The Faulkner of Our Generation
The court has contended that the measure I offerd [sic] was poorly written it [sic] was done so with consultation from that very same justice who so vehemently criticized it.--Sen. Spencer "By the rules" Hamlin, in response to the ConCourt's decision to deny his factually incorrect and logically deficient ballot measure. The irony is murderous.
...condecending...creditability...ocurt...ity...comming...nothiing... explaination...thew...acknoweledges...teh...teh...investigaed...disgracefull... queston...mistery...dammage...
--A sampling of Hamlin's spelling prowess from the same letter. Hypnotic, isn't it?
On Veritas
Governments may be bad at other things, but they are really good at collecting taxes.--Professor Cheyney Ryan, in Philosophy 309. Hold on just one second - that's the only thing governments are any good at.
On What's Wrong With This?
Was it sexist and racist for us to bomb Pearl Harbor?--Actual question asked in Professor Linda Schafer's Women in Politics class. If you want proof that you're currently attending a mediocre university, look no further.
Don't talk in my class, dear... How did you graduate from high school?
--Linda Schafer, in response. Excelsior!
On Schrapp
Anti-gun folks sit at home and commiserate the NRA and gun lobbyists power. They've got the Constitution. They're too big and powerful. Wasn't that the lament of the day when slavery was legal in America?--Frank Schramm, opining in the January Elixir. Apart from the fact that he is utterly, uncontestably wrong, he may yet be on to something. If the solution to the first societal ill was to free the slaves, can free guns be far behind? To arms!
On Booty Call
We can't be having oral sex orgies in stairwells of public schools. I think everybody in America would agree with that, I hope?--Fox News opinion man and former Portland television news anchor Bill O'Reilly, on - oh hell, does it really matter?
It's difficult, quite frankly, to remember the women that said no.
--Hugh Hefner, still going after all these years. This is a man who has seen his fair share of high school orgies.
On We Disagree
It seems ridiculous and not in the University's best interests to penalize candidates for "attempting to influence the outcome of an election."-Student James Pippin, in a letter to the Oregon Daily Emerald. He's right you know; expecting politicians to follow the rules is totally absurd. Our only question is, what kind of nonsensical logic led you to such a wrongheaded conclusion?
Admittedly, I don't understand the specifics of elections regulations.
-James Pippin, same letter, more or less answering our question. We've got it all straightened out now, thanks. That explains everything.
On Munging
Obviously we were there to promote our campaign. But we weren't there to promote the outcome.--Melissa "Munger" Unger, in the Feb. 9 Oregon Daily Emerald, on the true purpose of the Gabbe/Larson Executive campaign. Idiot.
On You Earned It
This sucks, man.--Disgraced ASUO Executive candidate C.J. Gabbe, on the circumstances surrounding his initial removal from the ballot. Idiot.