Nobody Asked Us...
E.A.T. Me
Eugene Anarchists for Torrey? Come on kids, what kind of nonsense is this? You people go from tearing apart downtown Seattle to working on a subversive campaign to undermine poor lil' Jimmy's bid for re-election? Shouldn't you be setting your sights just a little bit higher? A mere two months ago your riotous shenanigans were beamed all over the world. Reclusive llama herders in Southwestern Napal even got a chance to watch you run amok in that McDonalds. To hell with Torrey. He's small time. Why not refocus your attention on scoring a couple of tanks, or better yet, organizing an armada of trained super-weasels to do your biding. Just imagine what a shitload of weasels could do to the Nike Town down on 5th. Still not convinced? Consider this: EPD can't arrest weasels. They can tear gas 'em but they can't arrest 'em.Goodbye, Sweet Freak
After some intense soul-searching, left-handed Managing Editor Dan Atkinson is leaving the magazine to fight the "vicious repressions of the Right Man" that have plagued him since birth."I'm the first to admit that we have left the Dark Ages, when Righty burned my people at the stake as suspected witches," says Atkinson. "But when I see the pain in my father's eyes and think of the trauma of his forced assimilation, it fills me with rage. When I hear that, due to a societal system built by and for right people, my life expectancy is nine years shorter than Righty's, I know I must act. I'm wide awake, man. I'm not going to play Righty's games any longer."
The Commentator was shocked to learn of Atkinson's abnormality and urges people to vote against this monster in the ASUO Executive elections.
E.A.T. Me, Part II
No really, weasels! You anarchists want to take over the world, right? You want to return everything to a state of naturalized bliss, right? Well then weasels are your one-way ticket to the Mad Max-esque dystopia you so desire. To hell with "working within in the system" and "tearing it down from the inside." That isn't what anarchism is about. It's about breaking stuff and wearing gasmasks and using weasels to do all this for you so you don't have to post bail. What kind of self-respecting anarchist dubs himself "Cookie Dow"? Good God you people have become misguided in that last couple of months.Weasels are the answer. Weasels will get you anarchists back on the road towards success. Without weasels, your cause is truly a lost one.
Lick Me
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of the much-loved Dreyer's Ice Cream cart in the EMU-it will be sadly missed."Ice cream cart? What ice cream cart?" you might ask. But yes, at the bottom of the ramp leading up to the skylight area of the EMU, a Dreyer's Ice Cream cart has been sitting for some time, serving happy smiles and ice cream to...well, nobody. That's why it's closing down.
Rush to the cart as quickly as you can if you want to have a taste of their wonderfully delicious...uh...if we all knew what they served it wouldn't be closing, now would it?
Pokemon-aku
Cartoons from JapanMy ass can produce better
Shit don't make cash, though.
Pokemon rides high
Japanese marketing tool
Go-Bots ain't good 'nuff?
Hypnotized children
Revenge for our sins unfolds
God damn you, Truman!!!