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On Tauro-Scatological Expletives

Here we teach you things that allow you to bullshit at parties.

--Philosophy professor Cheyney Ryan, on the current role of the University of Oregon in the students' lives. The truth is hard to live with.

For awhile, I wanted to teach a course called 'Bullshit,' but I don't think they'd let me title it that.

--Prof. Ryan, ibid. Can you argue? Next.

On The Greatest Sacrifice of All

If my children will live a better life than I did by my getting brain damage, by my being brain dead, then let it be.

--"Iron" Mike Tyson, who escaped with a 'no contest' v. Orlin Norris this Saturday night. Next.

On Loose Ends

Someone stole our tape recorder with the tape of this interview in it beore I could finish transcribing the thing. I think.

--Willie Thompson, Insurgent Collectivist, making excuses for the abrupt ending to his interview with Wylie and Mitra. Next.

I might have lost it... if I find it, I'll continue next issue.

--Thompson again. Apparently the commies are afraid of the consolidation of corporate media control, but it would seem that they have no fear of media idiocy. Well, as you will. Next.

On Meth

Yet there will always be something about [Tonya Harding], a feeling that I can't figure out how to put into words. It's a feeling that was borne from images of the past... I too lived in Milwaukie.

--Emerald sports columnist Scott Pesznecker, waxing poetic about Milwaukie, Oregon's dubious claim to international fame. Next.

On Easy Targets

--Brandon Hartley could have been the best thing that ever happened to your magazine. Your loss. Next.

On Equal Rights

I do regret that 'Disco Dolls in 3-D' contains what has been described to me as a rape/murder scene... the perpetrator does get his penis bitten off later in the film. Seems fair.

--Bijou Cinemas owner Michael Lamont, in the Oct. 18 Emerald.

Harry Balls who?! Anyone he can!

--From the consummate crowd-pleaser, 'Disco Dolls in 3-D.' Next.

On Bait


--Headline for an advertisement in the Oct. 18 Emerald. Read on.

On Switch

Brad Pitt and Edward Norton star in the new movie of Chuck Palahniuk's first novel, Fight Club. A UO grad, Chuck is back in town on Nov. 11...Come meet Chuck!

--Copy from the same ad.