Nobody Asked Us...

Who's the Sham?

With the popularity of Minnesota Gov. Jesse "The Revolving Nickname" Ventura, someone needs to take a different angle on the recent controversy. Is there one? Yes, yes there is. Being that we're not sure what it is, the following will have to suffice. Seven years ago, then-Gov. Clinton was vilified for having smoked marijuana; this summer, when allegations of cocaine use dogged current-Gov. George W. Bush, it blew over much more easily. Essentially, Clinton took the brunt of the controversy, after which people realized it wasn't worth getting upset over. Look another five years down the road. Another prominent politician will set aside the bullshit for once and say something that offends a large number of people. Just watch and see if Ventura hasn't paved the way for others to say what's really on their mind-whether you like it or not. And, for the record, Ventura wasn't that far off the mark.

HEY KIDS!!

It's the Ultra-Fun Haiku Subsection!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY VIGGY "SUPAFREAK" JAMES

Godfather of Soulaku
(written)

Good God, can you fee' the funk?
Step back, kiss myself
Movin' it, groovin' it. HEY!

Godfather of Soulaku
(spoken)

Git' naw da sagga gibley...
git' ret' do ma thang...
unh, two, thee, fo' HAW! Aw 'ight!

Things to Do

The Office of Public Safety loves practical jokes. Here are a few you can try yourself.*

o Scattered throughout campus are boxes with buttons and little blue lights on top. Push the button, then run to the next one, and do the same. Repeat. How many can you find?
o Time yourself. Good for exercise!
o Invite a friend join you. Great for making friends!
o Hide from the white vans when they show up. OPS loves hide-and-seek almost as much as they love practical jokes.

1999-00 Academic Calendar

Fall Term
Registration 5/17-28
New Student Orientation 9/22-24
Classes begin 9/27
Last day to drop classes w/o 'W' 10/4
Last day to reg/add classes 10/6
Last day to withdraw from classes 11/12
Thanksgiving vacation 11/25-26
Last day of classes 12/3
Final examinations 12/6-10
Grades due 12/14

Winter Term
Registration 11/15-12/3
Classes begin 1/5
Last day to drop classes w/o 'W' 1/12
Last day to reg/add classes 1/14
Martin Luther King holiday* 1/17
Last day to withdraw from classes 2/18
Last day of classes 3/10
Final examinations 3/13-17
Spring vacation 3/20-26
Grades due 3/20

Spring Term
Registration 2/21-3/10
Classes begin 3/27
Last day to drop classes w/o 'W' 4/3
Last day to reg/add classes 4/5
Last day to withdraw from classes 5/12
Memorial Day holiday* 5/29
Last day of classes 6/2
Final examinations 6/5-9
Commencement 6/10
Grades due 6/13

Tuition and Fees

Undergraduate Students
Resident, 12-18 credits $3,700
Nonresident, 12-18 $12,800

Graduate Students
Resident, 9-16 credits $6,335
Nonresident, 9-16 credits $10,765

Law Students
Resident $10,335
Nonresident $14,100

Useful URLs:

Need beer money?
uocareer.uoregon.edu

Think you'll get in trouble for that?
darkwing.uoregon.edu/~conduct/code.htm

Do I have a class to skip?
duckweb.uoregon.edu

I can't ever remember that number.
darkwing.uoregon.edu/~jql/phone/index.html

Got another MIP?
darkwing.uoregon.edu/~legal

Teaching Faculty

Full-time Faculty 747
Male 475 Female 272 Asian, Pacific Islander 45 Black, Non- Hispanic 10 Native American or Alaskan Native 5 White, Non-Hispanic 662

Part-time faculty 445
Male 222 Female 223 Asian, Pacific Islander 19 Black, Non- Hispanic 1 Hispanic/Latino/Chicano 6 Native American or Alaskan Native 1 White, Non-Hispanic 418