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Brown Baggin' It
Hear ye, hear ye, brown bagging proclaimed inconspic-uous by all! Heed said advice for care free debauchery.
When the sun comes out, we dress down. "Skin to win" seems to be the common denominator for the fabricated contest of sexual appeal. This is not true for everything. The 40oz lives in a strange world where its garnishing appears opposite to that of the season we all tend to close in on nudity. That's right people, it's time to break out those trusty jackets and take it to the streets.Despite our nature to want to be in the sun, our booze seldom gets to see the light of day. Does that mean we must continue to confine ourselves in local brothels and stuffy apartments to support "the cause" as we have all winter? No, and there is a simple brown option.
The art of brown bagging is now reaching its peak season, and as Ice Cube once said, "you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself." Are your skills up to par? The OLCC does not grant special rights to our intoxicating glass enclosed friends during the sun induced season, so it is up to you to make sure they continue to make it to the party. Help yourself by helping others and jot down these handy tips on covert drinking operations.
1. Figure one shows you what you will need (Duh).
2. Not only does your trusty brown bag conceal your incriminating partner, it also insulates during that high noon sun. Make sure to get that initial roll down nice and tight.
3. Can you palm a basketball, didn't think so. Make it easier on yourself with this multipurpose handle, good for chugging, passing and pouring a little out for yo' dead homies yo'.
4. Now, as the nearly all-white hip-hop group named the Young Black Teenagers once said "tap the bottle and twist the cap." The rest is up to you. Might I suggest chicken wings, "Shaft," and some Excedrin for the morning.
5. Don't make this mistake when at the quicky mart, ask the clerk for the wino bag. With this scenerio you might as well try hijacking Cuban cigars in a jellyfish.
6. Here is a good example of mistake number two. Now where do you expect to get another $2.29 from?
7. Finally, pick up after yourself. Don't leave cleverly concealed bottles laying around in public. The less EPD sees this kind of thing, the less they are going to look for it while they're in action. Besides, you don't want to give away your secrets. They could come in handy during finals week.