Spew
On In and Out Like Flynt
The average guy getting Hustler in the mail every month isn't smart enough to get online.
-- Smith-Barney VP Doug Bales, guest speaker in Deanna Robinson's J312 class. It isn't the getting on that's hard, but getting off is where the real trouble lies. So to speak. We've seen your History folder, Doug. Your secret is safe with us.
People like that stuff.
-- Professor Deanna Robinson, later in the same class. What, pornography? What people? Speak for yourself, Deanna. By the way, we've seen your History folder too, and Mr. Bales looks like a priest by comparison. A priest facing a lawsuit maybe, but a priest nonetheless..
On Kosher, Please
On April 7 student antisweat [sic] protesters wearing duct tape over their mouths - to protest the fact that students have no say in campus decisions - met the University of Oregon president at the airport, frightening him so badly he left the baggage claim and hid in the bathroom.
-- From the May 15 issue of The Nation. Hid in the bathroom? How do you know? Based on the airplane food we've had, it seems a lot more likely Dave had a case of the hershey squirts.
On PC Nazis
What's the point of drinking if you can't drink alcoholically?
-- Controversial quadriplegic cartoonist and former Republican state senate candidate John Callahan, in the EMU Ballroom on May 9. Is this our kind of guy, or what?
I try to draw little naked girls as often as possible.
-- Callahan, continued. Like we said: is this our kind of guy, or what?
On Insensitivity
The problem, when a protest is geared toward one specific cultural group, is that many students do not feel comfortable, or invited. Digereedoos [sic] and drum circles are mono cultural. Students from other ethnic and cultural backgrounds are automatically discounted and dismissed because it is not their culture.
-- Emily Golden-Fields, in the April Insurgent. Was the protest comprised entirely of Aborigines? Then again, drums are pretty monocultural, since they were apparently invented by hippies in the early-to-mid 1960s. There's no room for this kind of blatant racism and hegemony on this campus.
On Everybody Hates You
We have a lot of fun at OPS, even though everybody hates us.
-- OPS student officer outside the Carson Complex at 4am, overheard. It's a good thing they've got a healthy self-image, even if their idea of "fun" is power-tripping underage dorm rats and hauling away homeless inebriates.* *Dedicated to Jimmy Sullivan, whose poetry inspired the residents of Sweetser Hall during the winter of '99, only to be carted off by the Office of Public Safety.
On You Do Not Speak For Us
Unfortunately, the public may not know the real story on some of the candidates, including Tracy Olsen. Olsen is too conservative for Ward 3... Not surprisingly, none of the environmental groups has [sic] endorsed him.
-Eugene resident Joy Marshall on the Emerald letters page. The real story, Joy, is that anybody who owns a place offering dollar well drinks every Wednesday is a friend of the common man.
But the biggest concern I have about Olsen is his claim to being a good downtown citizen. His bar, Doc's Pad, could be a place that generates rowdy, drunken behavior.
--Marshall, continued. Rowdy, drunken behavior? That doesn't sound like Eugene politics at all. Now add a monkey wrench and maybe we're a little closer to Marshall's brand of expression.
On Frogger
I hope you know my next bag of heroin depends on you buying this joke book.
--Campus icon/annoyance Frog, on 13th street. Hey Frog: try crank. It's faster, more effective, and you won't have to sell as many of those godawful books.
On Uruguay
The "I agree with Phil" crowd realizes that Nike CEO Phil Knight does not have to donate to a University that supports a group he disapproves of... There is also a growing realization that both heterosexual relationships and hetero-represented sweatshops include some degree of oppression that needs to be worked out and may drive some to homo-whatever.
-Eugene resident Earl Gosnell on the Emerald letters page. There is also the growing realization that a fixation on "homo-whatever" issues may drive some to express themselves in forums hospitable to incoherency.