Editorial

Back to the Hack

From damnation to redemption, the Oregon Commentator goes on a philosophical journey through the valley of campus media. A philosophical journey involving cheap tequila, maybe--but we'll draw insight from wherever we can.

In a self-referential age where most everything is postmodern by default, there's something dubious about criticizing "the media" in a publication that is unavoidably complicit in media's innumerable "evils." At worst, it's hypocritical, at best, redundant. The truth probably falls somewhere along the continuum. Still, a moment of reflection is in order, and since no one else is willing to do it, this duty falls to the Oregon Commentator.

Maybe it's fitting--indeed, many label the Commentator evil, so if anyone is qualified to speak on the subject, surely it's us. The evils of the press were what prompted leading media critic Mickey Knox to observe, "The media is like the weather, only it's man-made." Which is true. At this point, no one is certain if the press itself is responsible for the nation's surplus of gun-toting teenagers, opportunistic talk show hosts, attention-grabbing headlines, and endlessly recycled filler-or if the fault lies with society itself.

If the media is evil, then the University of Oregon is off the scale in the evil department. More evil than evil can be. With a capital 'E'.

Still, evil is underrated. What if the press were cheery, well-mannered and benevolent? Would anyone pay attention? Nice, happy stories about picking buttercups and a friendly round of lawn darts are neither newsworthy nor worthwhile, unless the lawn dart goes through someone's eye. Now there's a story.

Evil keeps things interesting, whether we ourselves are responsible, or merely reporting on it. Chief among the evils of which the UO can proudly boast:

Evil No. 1: The Oregon Daily Emerald
Are you supposed to be a professional daily or a glorified high school newspaper? To be fair, sometimes you're pretty good, and there's a few of you up there with your heads screwed on right. We're not naming names here. But don't get conceited yet-that's not all. Because when you suck, you redefine the word. For every installment of hard-nosed riot coverage, there's at least double the column inches devoted to the cricket club. You are so evil.

Evil No. 2: The Insurgent
Are you supposed to be anarchistic or communistic? Look-either you want no government, or nothing but. It's one or the other, kids; pick one and go with it. Also, it's time to face facts: Mumia really is doomed. Maybe he did it, maybe he didn't. But all the Rage Against The Machine concerts in the world couldn't save a tree, much less a convicted murderer. Let's face it: your best feature was the word "Student" in your name, and now you've done away with it. You are so evil.

Evil No. 3: The Oregon Voice
Are you supposed to be lovable losers or just plain losers? On the one hand, we congratulate you for trying to grow and expand beyond the flimsy anime shtick we've harassed you about for so long. On the other, you haven't exactly changed for the better. We have to wonder how long your layout nights go. An hour? If you're putting much effort into that thing, we have bad news: no one can tell. You are so evil.

Evil No. 4: The Oregon Commentator
Are we supposed to be alcoholics or investigative journalists? Is there a difference? We have the Constitution Court and Oregon Daily Emerald in our back pocket. We've even got Scott Austin to do our dirty work. And did we mention? We own the Oregon Voice. Then again, we're supposedly controlled by the vast right wing conspiracy, so we're not responsible for our own actions. We are so evil-but our evil is self-evident.

Maybe it's just Pancho speaking here-but we dedicate this Hack Attack to you: the men and women of campus media, as an act of journalistic penance.