Nobody Asked Us, But...

Put in the Dane!

Some call him the Dane. Others call him Danish, or Dane-man. Lead us to the future Dane, we are your Denmark and you are our Dane. Between the great Dane, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Michael Jordan, there are 14 NBA Championships. When he is mixed in with Steven Spielberg, Mel Gibson, and Clint Eastwood, 3 best picture Oscars emerge. Finally, together with Ernest Hemingway, William the Conqueror, and Jesus Christ, the Dane becomes grouped with a Nobel Prize, a Pulitzer Prize, an English Monarchy, and the crux of western civilization. For God's sake Ernie Kent, play Chris Christoffersen--don't fear what you don't understand.

No! Not the Dane!

a rebuttal by The Dane Himself, "special" staffer.
Yes, they do call me the Dane--I'll grant you that. But when combined with Geneva Wortman, Donte Quinine, and Joseph Stalin, I, the Dane am linked with an OSPIRG conspiracy, a premature desertion of his team and the pogroms (not to mention the gulags). Also, not a single NBA Championship. I, the Dane, who trains for basketball by playing waterpolo and soccer, do not want to play. I hear you yelling my name--please stop, for the sake of the Dane. The Dane does not deserve this! I implore you to leave the Dane alone!

Enough, Dane!

OC Editor's Note
Chris Christoffersen, you are the Dane. I.e., you must play. Suit up Danish! Let the Dane begin!