Spew
On One Scary Comparison
One World, One Web, One Program--Microsoft Promotional Ad
Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer
--Adolf Hitler
On Way to Go!
I tried to put myself in a position that I wouldn’t finish my life broke and be this negative story.--O.J. Simpson, on ESPN. Funny how it all goes to shit once you murder your wife.
On Taking a Stand
Because there are times when we must know it’s time to say enough. Enough of 10-page term papers that make us stay up all night destroying our already-debilitated health in front of mind-sucking computer screens while devouring fattening sugar and cocoa and sucking back life-threatening doses of black coffee.--Emerald columnist and avid student activist Vince Medeiros, responsibly using his pulpit to effect reasonable change within the campus community.
One time, just outside the pub, a friend offered me a recreational pill of alien origin and composition. I hesitated and faltered, and hinted I wasn’t in the mood, but in the end wound up going for it. I took three of the bastards. The things kept me awake for a week and still give me nightmares every now and then.
--More responsibility from community leader Mr. Medeiros. Is it too much to expect Emerald columnists to find relevant issues to discuss?
Now, if you want to compare a computer to (pause), let’s say a person, alright, now imagine that I’m a human being.
--Professor Jane Ritter, CIS 120. No! I’ll imagine myself with a naked supermodel. I’ll imagine myself drinking a cold beer. I’ll imagine myself drinking a cold beer with a naked supermodel. But I’ll be six feet in the ground before I imagine a professor teaching me how to use my e-mail as a human being.
On Mutual Feelings
Fuck Oregon, man. It’s too fuckin’ cold here. F’real, doe. I shoulda never fuckin’ signed at Oregon. F’real.--Herman Ho-Ching, Ducks tailback. Fuck Ho-Ching, man. He fumbles too fuckin’ much. F’real, doe. He shoulda never fuckin’ signed at Oregon. F’real.
On Missing the Point
I want an environment in my bomb shelter where there's no destruction of animals.--Alicia Silverstone, responding to the query, "If only allowed five, which CDs would you take with you into a bomb shelter?"
Do Ads Make Kids Want to Buy?
--Yahoo! Finance headline.
On Same Difference
I understand you had a BAL of .275 and tested positive for methamphetamine... Oh sorry, I have the wrong chart.--An emergency room physician to an OC staffer after a Black Sabbath concert.
On Supply and Demand
Don’t producers and programmers know both shows would benefit from "Dawson's Creek" being scheduled to air after "Beverly Hills, 90210"?--Amy "King of the Jews" Goldhammer, with plenty to write about. Next episode: Amy discovers that the producers of said television shows are actually in competition with each other.