I. Machiavellian Master Plan

THE CONSPIRACY-POSSIBLE OSPIRG INVOLVMENT

Citing a precedent that does not exist, and justifying their actions with two ballot measures that don't require an immediate special election, Geneva and the ASUO Executive office chose to call a grossly underfunded special election. What must be noted here is that the OSPIRG conspiracy theory does not emerge from a vacuum. There has been a general sentiment on campus, since the advent of the great paradox, that OSPIRG would utilize its incestuous relationships in the ASUO Executive office to questionably return onto campus. Commentator Publisher Jonathon Collegio wrote about their shifty tactics in late October. Even the Elections Board was inundated with rumors and speculation concerning the ASUO Executive office and OSPIRG.

"I was hesitant about the whole OSPIRG issue," Elections Coordinator Taylor Sturges said. " I was worried about people saying that the ASUO is doing a special election because they are in bed with OSPIRG."

The following list details the entire conspiracy:

1. Geneva and Morgan hired Taylor, their Elections Coordinator, in September. "Usually Elections Coordinators' salaries go from November to June," Sturges said. "I started in September-[I got] an extra $150, a poster that says 'We Love Taylor,' and some candy from Geneva." Why would Geneva and Morgan hire an Elections Coordinator a full two months early, unless they anticipated extra work, possibly an extra election? Also, at the time of her hiring, Taylor had not yet contacted the Computing Center, so voting by Duck Web was not an issue. Furthermore, Taylor had not spoken with Joel Corcoran, chief justice of the Constitution Court, about streamlining the election grievance process, so that was also a non-issue. Being that voting via Duck Web and streamlining the Elections Grivence process are driving forces behind the Special Election, it's clear that the ASUO Executive knew they were going to have a Special Election before they had any issues to justify one. What, then, could possibly be the ASUO Executive Office's justification for hiring the Elections Coordinator? OSPIRG? Yes!

2. In explaining a benefit of the Special Election, Morgan Cowling pointed out that the Oregon University System (OUS) deadline for submitting the incidental fee budget was moved up to April 1 from May 15. She pointed out that she and Geneva would have to estimate the maximum amount of money that could be allocated the following year. "I think it is a good time for [the special election] to come up because we are going to have to look at what type of funding could go," Cowling said. What Morgan is arguing is that preliminary knowledge of what will be on the budget will significantly help the ASUO Executive office set a cap on the incidental fee budget for the OUS. This argument is faulty on two fronts: first, setting a cap on a budget really is not that hard-just aim absurdly high; second, there are very few programs on campus that have budgets substantial enough to affect budget cap estimation, and of the programs that receive enough money to affect a cap estimate, only OSPIRG is presently unfunded. In saying that the Special Election will help the ASUO Executive Office establish a cap on the Incidental Fee Budget for OUS, Morgan all but announced OSPIRG's appearance on the special election ballot.

3. When asked about OSPIRG's potential appearance on the ballot, Taylor Sturges said, "OSPIRG has not turned in any language, they've done nothing. One of them was in the office and I asked if they were going to do the special election, because if they were, they should have turned in their language two weeks ago. They were like,'we don't have that power.'" On the surface this seems to be a sign that OSPIRG will not utilize the special election to get refunded, but deeper analysis suggests that this incident is extremely disparaging. By saying that they don't have the power to put themselves on the ballot, OSPIRG indicates that someone else presently has the power to put them on the ballot. OSPIRG have apparently resigned themselves to being placed on the ballot by another party, and measures can be placed on the ballot in only three ways: recommendation of the Student Senate, recommendation of the ASUO President,and petitioning. By saying that they do not have the power to place themselves on the ballot, OSPIRG has indicated that they are not going to petition. The Student Senate would be an unlikely locale to find a sympathetic ear to anything concerning the Special Election, since they were not consulted prior to its announcement. The only option left is Geneva. Conspiracy? Yes!

4. With voter turnout predictions ranging around 2% to 3% (based on the 1994 ASUO Special Election), the minimal budget ($1400 as opposed to $9000), lack of candidates, lack of publicity, and lack of relevant and interesting ballot measures, this election will probably be dominated by government hacks, weirdos, groupies, and extremists. "Whoever can get the most groupies of their group will win with a lower turnout," Sturges predicted. When it comes down to active groupies that can jump on an issue and dedicate their lives to its destruction or fruition, nobody beats the Anti-Defamation League, oh yeah, OSPIRG is pretty good at that too. This election is perfect for OSPIRG. Without proper publicity, the only people that will be aware of the election will be those spoken to by OSPIRG in their massive take-it-to-the-streets campaigning technique. As a result, the voting booths will be packed with OSPIRG groupies and OSPIRG converts-hardly a representative voice of the community. If the ASUO Executive Office really wanted to harness a representative voice of the campus, they would have raised money to have a better-publicized election.

5. "OSPIRG crumbles in the face of opposition; they proved it last year when there were 8 people in the middle of the streets and got the message out to defund OSPIRG," explained Jason Gathercole, chair of the College Republicans and head of the Honesty Campaign-the group widely attributed for defunding OSPIRG last year. "If they are not on the ballot, what that would say to me is that they see the opposition coming from more than one source, and they are going to wait until spring elections. Maybe they'll call for more money from the state PIRG before they take up the campaign." The scenario that Gathercole does not address is the potential for OSPIRG to run in both elections. OSPIRG may be able to insert itself into campus life again by merely outlasting and out-muscling their opponents. This election gives OSPIRG two cracks at being refunded. If they fail in the special election, they can come back a month later and try again. Two elections in two months will deplete much of the energy and funding of their opposition, which is already preparing for an all out assault on OSPIRG.

Some of you may be wary of this particular conspiracy theory, and that is perfectly acceptable. Conspiracy theories carry with them a great deal of negative connotations, as much for the accuser as for the accused. But make sure your skepticism emerges for the right reasons. If you think the conspiracy theory is too well thought out for a couple of dim-witted student government hacks to pull of, then your skepticism may be justified-this plan nears on brilliance, and these two girls don't. Just remember that at no point has this ASUO Executive Administration possessed independent thought, do not discount the possibility that OSPIRG-a notoriously savvy public interest lobby-developed the plan and asked the girls to insert tab A into slot B. But if you merely find this conspiracy theory to be offensive and unrealistic, than let us be the first to implicate you into the debacle--apathy is corruption's strongest catalyst.

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