Spew
On Ignoring the Facts
"I know people get upset about parking tickets, but there's a certain responsibility that comes with driving a 200,000 pound vehicle," Sanders said.--From the Jan. 8th Emerald story by Tricia Schwennesen, "Goddess bedevils commuters." A 200,000 pound vehicle! What the hell is she talking about? The Death StarTM? This has got to be a typo.
The Jan. 8 story "Goddess bedevils commuters" should have read, "I know people get upset about parking tickets, but there's a certain responsibility that comes with driving a 2,000 pound vehicle," Sanders said.
--From the Jan. 12th Emerald correction, "Reality bedevils ODE staff writers." A 2,000 pound vehicle! What the hell is she talking about? A carTM? This has got to be a typo.
On Presidential Aid
Now the president is left with legal bill [sic] of about $5 million. If only 10 percent of the 47 million voters who favored the president will send him a dollar or two in a defense fund, the bill can be paid.--Sol Lubitsch in a letter to the Emerald. Even when he's not having 'sexual relations' he's still fucking millions of Americans.
On Proof that Jewel Will Save the World
I was really depressed, and I thought, I can make this plane ride really awful, or I can sit here and make it fun! And it was so much better. It was so much better.--Jewel entourage member Kevyn Aucoin, after contemplating the following lyrics to Jewel's current single, Hands: "If I could tell the world just one thing / It would be that we're all okay."
Like, she walks out of Rivington House and literally wants to sit by a river and ponder why AIDS exists and maybe write a song about it.
--Atlantic VP and Jewel supervisor Ron Shapiro, shortly after referring to her as "a machine that has to market a record for a corporation."
On Questionable Class Policies
You will be totally anonymous. There is no way I will ever be able to associate your essay with you.--Denise Matthews, J204 professor.
Matthews J204
January 18, 1999
Essay 1: Why Prof. Matthews Will Regret this Whole
Anonymity Thing (or, How I Will Ruin Prof. Matthews)