OV QUIZ

IS YOUR INCESTUOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR GRANDMA LOSING THE SPICE AND HOT STEAMY LUSTER IT ONCE HAD?

1. Okay, say you have a shiny new ballpeen hammer, and you go outside and see that meth-head Jim, who crapped all over your brand new Geo Metro'...

A. Clang, clang, Maxwell's silver hammer rains down and all that sordid business.
B. Get to know the kind, sensitive, loving man behind the junkie.
C. Bwoop bwoop, das da sound o' da police, bwoop bwoop das da sound o' da meese!

2. You step in the door, you said it before, you won't let the mic magnetize you no more...

A. Break yo self muthaphukka, fo' I break you my damn self!
B. What? Whatchu say punk? I'ma curbstomp yo stankin' ass!
C. A heapin' helpin' of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, too big for my jeans.

3. You've just slammed your teeny li'l pecker in a bank vault door, and you start to feel a bit light headed, so you...

A. I wantcha 'gain ma frien', not a trenmaden, make a hapasnapa debadoobadem!
B. Who's yo' daddy! Das right, das how big daddy likes it! Unh! Unnnnh!
C. Uncle Petey, you're scaring me!

4. You walk in on your boyfriend Chet, and he's sodomizing your golden retriever puppy, Sparky. This is the fourth time, and you've repeatedly asked him not to, so...

A. You bust a cap in his ass, chop him up into itty bitty bits, and bury him in your backyard next to your cat Scratchy.
B. Join in the fun! Grab a tub of KY Jelly and a plunger, and pretend you're an NYPD police officer who's just run into a spunky Haitian immigrant.
C. Hang your head in shame, and take up a habit in the wild and exciting world of meth. You too can live in an ammonia-stinking dungeon in Springfield.

If you Answered...

Mostly A - Who cares? You're a pathetic, sad, sorry junkie for tallying your answers anyway. Go back to Thurston where you belong.
Mostly B - Congratulations! You've won the grand prize! You have won a sammich! In order to redeem this prize, go to your local sammich store and give the person behind the counter ten dollars, and order whatever type of sammich you want.
Mostly C - You-that's right sleazebag, I'm talking to you-are a pimple on the hairy, funky, sweat-soaked ass that we like to refer to as life.