Spew
On Clinton der Führer
Clinton... first takes the mind of his public citizens and gets each oneto like him for different reasons. The Hippies because he smoked pot. Thepeace movement and war protesters because he was a draft-dodger... All theunfaithful husbands because he let some chic [sic] suck his dick... Then hegot the TV people by going on talk shows.--Peon, in the June Insurgent, pointing out Clinton's ruthless manipulationof the world. It's truly incredible how he went on TV like that, to get the"TV people" to like him... what a deviant genius! What brilliant research!Preach on, Comrade Peon!
So, with the immense power over nearly his whole American population basedon extreme conditions of money based [sic] media/propaganda and governmenttentacles on their minds, he then makes crucial decisions behind closeddoors to pass free trade agreements...
--Peon, same article, same rant. Immense power over the Americanpopulation?? Government tentacles?? And *gasp* free trade!! Soon thecomputers will take over and enslave our souls. Only then will Clinton'sFinal Solution see fruition.
On A Wrinkle in Time
Senators David Sanchez and Andrew Oberriter requested more time to read the[diversity] proposal.--Jason George in the May 27 Emerald, mistaking former Senator and OC EditorOberriter for current Senator Andrew Schneider. After which, ASUOPresident Bobby Lee turned to OC Publisher Owen Brennan Rounds and said, "Seeyou at Guido's tonight?"
On What a Time to Be Alive
The internet is an ocean-just punch a key and it's got any damned thing youwant.--Journalism Professor Jim Dunne, an authority on everything.
There they are, a Kleenex in one hand, naked in front of a computer thathas little marks on the screen.
--Sex therapist Wendy Maltz, quoted in the June 17 Eugene Weekly, commentingon the damned thing most internet users want.
On We Don't Believe You
This will be a really great thing for the campus. It won't just be anotherpiece of paper.--ASUO Housing Advocate Matt Lieuallen in the May 28 Emerald, on the Pledgeof Respect, to be signed by all incoming freshmen. Ask yourself this: doesanyone actually think that one more paper forced upon incoming freshmen isgoing to make for a more accepting campus environment? Only the Bic pencompany will benefit from this one.
On KKKorporations
Clinton needs [the corporations] to infiltrate other parts of the world tofurther his goal of world domination. These corporations have only to becompared Hitler's [sic] armies; Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge; Augustus Caesar'sgladiators; Pinochet's military posses; Clinton's Corporations.--More from the anonymous Peon. World domination? For a lame duckpresidency, he's sure got plans! Still, that whole "checks and balances"thing might be a bit of a problem.
On Boobies, Knockers and Hooters
[Playboy's Pac-10 issue]... is where the images of young womyn in collegeare placed onto a page to become objects-not the minds they are paying somuch money to broaden.--Good old Chelsea Lincoln, in the June Insurgent. Yes, and with the goodmoney that Playboy is paying them, they'll have so much more money withwhich to continue their education. Or as Butthead might point out... shesaid 'broad.'
Playboy and similar publications create a violent and sexist society withthe objectification of womyn in these publications... Everyone needs totake responsibility for their own actions and educate themselves on theissue of how pornography is detrimental to our society.
--Lincoln again, dutifully exchanging that "e" for a "y" without fail.Interesting. And yet instead of everyone taking personal responsibility forsociety's ills, we should blame it on a magazine, is that it? Checkthat--one hell of a magazine!
On I'll Ask the Questions Here
Who are the folk? Are you the folk? What is lore?--Folklore Professor Daniel Wojcik, in a crippling moment of angst.
Where are we going? What were we talking about? How did we get on thistangent? It's kinda fun.
--Wojcik again, working his way to firmer ground.
On Intoxicants
Dude, I'd take Christ if it were a drug.--University sophomore Joe Ryan, taking all the fun out of the idea of a Campus Crusade for Drugs.