Not Worthy

Conservative and Bitter, Yet Staying Here

This was to be a completely different article than the one you are now reading. It wasn't even going to be an article--I was planning it as my final piece for the Oregon Commentator, a bitterly sarcastic, and of course cynical, good-bye to the University of Oregon.

I hate this school; I hate it with every part of my clear-thinking andconservative mind. A few weeks ago, I had reached my limit and begun toplan my escape. The open range was calling to me; the wholesome beauty of a pure land and people with uncorrupted American values held me in a trance. I was looking east to Laramie, Wyoming and the University of Wyoming, but in reality I was looking for the real West. The true cowboy West where I wouldn't stand alone because of my patriotism and conservative views. My application was filled out, I was looking into housing, and thought I had made up my mind up... when suddenly I changed it and decided to remain in Eugene. The reason was not any change in my attitude but actually a confirmation of who I am.

For some reason, I consider myself a journalist. I don't know how I ever got the idea into my head, but someone or something back in my hometown of Sonoma, California convinced me that I could write. Oregon has one of the best journalism schools on the west coast, and despite (or because of) the controversy surrounding this magazine and others, that reputation has remained intact. I also love this state. At the risk of sounding like a tree-hugger, I'll acknowledge that I love the forests, lakes, and thousands of acres of local, state, and national park lands. There are prime areas for hunting or just shooting, plus skiing, boating, and four-wheeling. Yet I'm surely not a tree-hugger. I support logging, and do not support gun control. I'm not going to list everything I believe in, but rather choose to just say that I've had to stand my ground, alone, many times here already. It's been lonely, thinking differently from most everyone else.

Lonely enough that I began to think about Wyoming, but it wasn't justloneliness that gave me an urge to leave. I can't stand the fucking hippies here. Or the damn Marxists, womyn, leftist fanatics, diversity nuts, twenty-four-seven stoners, ravers, and anyone else who thinks OSPIRG actually has some reason to be on this campus. It doesn't stop there: I've developed a distinct dislike for anyone who wears Abercrombie and Fitch products at all times and thinks the Greeklife is the only possible way to get through four years at college. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing inherently wrong with the Greek life; I just hate those people one could call frat-dicks, who don't have any life outside their house. Honestly though, if I were forced to choose between a frat house or co-op, I'd take the frat. I've found that even though they can be pretty narrow-minded, frat boys don't judge you too harshly by your politics. Hippies seem to think the revolution won't happen if they don't insult as many Republicans as possible. They then take every opportunity to attack you if you have the balls enough to speak up for the conservative view at this school. I've been called a racist, sexist-exploiter, redneck, hillbilly, and homophobe here at Oregon, and frankly I don't care. In fact I'm circling the wagons and them hippies can just light their arrows on fire-see if I fucking care. I'm not going let ridiculous people andevents-such as group hugs around a tree (ODE, Mar. 30, 99), queer film week, OSPIRG, SETA, the idiots who have been protesting the bombings, and all the other the lazy, pierced and perpetually stoned morons who make up the majority of this liberal coddling campus-drive me away.You can't kick me out of here. You hippies made me sick--sick enough to want to leave, but not sick enough.

Wyoming's going have to wait, because I know there's more to Oregon than Eugene, and I'm going find it. This is the state that once had signs at the border reading, "Oregon: A nice place to visit, but don't stay here." There's definitely a group of backwoods conservatives here, and that is the principal reason that convinced me to stay. I want to understand Oregon's conservatism, and perhaps become a part of it. If I can't, then I'll just settle for becoming a journalist, educated at the best damn school on the west coast. So Oregon, I may hate you, but I love you at the same time.

Damn, that reminds me of my high school girlfriend.