Nobody Asked Us, But

"Teabag" can be a Verb

In one of the more interesting campaign stunts in recent years, ASUO Exec. candidate Kelli McCartan was out on 13th street last week handing out tennis balls with her name written on them. We don't know how much this ridiculous stunt cost her and we don't care; insert your own 'fuzzy balls' joke here. But before she gets too carried away handing out frivolous promotional materials we have a few suggestions that could help her candidacy:

1) Find a running mate - if you can't find one, think long and hard about what this says about you.

2) If you can't find a running mate at least get a campaign manager who can remember your goddamn name.

3) It would help if you turned a voter's guide statement in on time so voters have the opportunity to read it (but this might not matter anyway - it could mean having to come up with some concrete policies).

But despite these minor setbacks, we wish her hugs and kisses and sincerely hope she won't brig this track record of mistakes to her potential tenure as ASUO Exec.

Time to take a Xanax, Buddy

Last week a member of the OC's Board of Directors was verbally assaulted by David Kellet, the ringmaster of the University's now infamous Model United Nations program. Kellet was so angry and visibly distraught that Rennie's management has to physically escort him off the premises. Later that week he showed up at a Student Senate meeting and accused this illustrious publication of issuing a bomb threat against him and his family (see Nobody, March 11 issue). Sorry, Dave, but any rational human being will tell you what we printed made no mention of your family and was quite blatantly a joke. We suppose that if we told him that we were coming to cut off his head and shit down his bleeding esophagus he wouldn't that was funny either. Geeeeeesh, some people.

"Honesty"

Okay, so the cat's outta the bag--someone's been running an anti-OSPIRG campaign for the upcoming ASUO election. However, you'd think that the student programming juggernaut would have little to fear from a little healthy competition. But nooooo, they're assholes. While there is no credible evidence to suggest that the organization is condoning any underhanded tactics, someone who obviously likes OSPIRG has been systematically tearing down the 'Honesty' campaign's anti-OSPIRG has been systemically tearing down the 'Honesty' campaign's anti-OSPIRG posters and trying to get the organization in trouble by nailing their posters to trees on 13th. Furthermore, at least five Honesty posters have been ripped down from the political science department's 'free speech' bulletin board (you know these people are really lame because they lack any sense of irony).