Editorial
Seasick, Yet Still Docked
Sometimes everything goes wrong.
There's really no point. The revolution government cycles takes at least four years to complete, and those of us who have spinal cords that periodically rub up against our brain stems will graduate in that period of time. So, vote if you must. Or don't. No one will notice one way or the other.This week, student government aspirants will promise a host of miracles: concerts in Mac Court, more parking on campus, a Cambodian whore for every undergraduate equivalent of William T. Vollmann, and so on. And not a goddamn one will ever cash in on these promises. So, please, folks, no wagering.
Student government has one source of power, and that is the incidental fee. If they happen to embrace this source, then all this folderol will prove worthwhile. If they don't, then they'll run in place as they have for the past dozen years or more in a stagnant pond of bullshit. And that, my friend, is something that we could sell tickets to and use as a fund-raiser. Imagine Bill Miner running place in a pile of his own shit out on Humpy Lumpy. Bring a little twinge of a smile to your lips? Run with that, and remember it when you go to the polls, if you can find them.
Student government will try to persuade you, as will those who hope to be part of student government, that there is room for a student voice in the University. They will try to persuade you that their experience siting on a bunch of committees in which students leveraged no real power will give them the credentials to do true power brokering in Salem on behalf of tuition freezes and the incidental fee, or in Washington DC, or even in our own Johnson Hall. But they haven't got any real power, kids, because they believe the myth that the administration and the legislature perpetuate: that they are just kids, with nothing to leverage and no power to wield.
So student empowerment requires all of us consulting our birth certificates and confirming that in fact, our ages are about 18, and that since we can legally enter any contract without consent of a legal guardian because of that minimum age of 18, we are, in fact, adults. And, if we are adults, then that must mean something about our authority over the administration and the rest of the campus. And if we have authority, then that must say something about our responsibilities to our constituent students. And if we have responsibilities, it might behoove us to actually observe them.
It might be a nice change to actually serve students who pay the incidental fee. It might be nice to be responsible with both the programs and the money they receive. It might be nice to play dress up politician for a few hours, at least. Easy enough, if you're skilled in the fine art of dropping your pants.
But the unfortunate fact about government is that the people you would like to see involved would never run, and the people you would like to see drawn and quartered always manage to gain election to one seat or another. So, you have two choices: ignore the whole thing by doing your civic duty of not voting; or invest a whole hell of a lot more into a school yard game of picking favorites and making political selections based on a perception of popularity.
In the end, there's just no point.