Not Worthy

By Gumbo, By Crackee

Nike has factories in third world countries. This we know. And ya know what I have to say about? So what?

Name a major industrial conglomerate that doesn't. Shit man, everybody does it. It's just the most cost-effective way to get your manufacturing done. It costs less money to subcontract a production company in a foreign country than it does to make things here. Why aren't the cause-driven misinformed ignorant ass intelligentsia of the UO protesting GM or Pepsi? Well, actually it's quite simple. They want to make noise. That's all it is. If they bitch about GM's factories in Mexico, who the fuck cares? The Insurgent will say a great step has been taken to lessen the suffering of the masses, and the rest of us will simply shake our heads at them as we pass all 14 of them in front of Johnson hall. However, have them piss and moan about Nike, and it becomes a more two sided issue. As you should know by now, Nike was born at the UO and Nike has donated great green globs of cash to this here establishment. When they, lets just call 'em the ignint masses, decide to attack Nike, they are biting the hand that feeds them. They are "rebels," they are exposing the evils of conglomerate America to the unaware and the un-enlightened students of Nike U. To me, this seems unnecessary. What the hell is a bunch of jackasses putting up flyers and walking around with placards going to do? They are going to whine, because that is all they can do.

American corporations have been sending jobs overseas for decades. Not only American corporations, but just about any large corporation. Hey, here's a hell of an idea, lets go protest the fact that Toyota and Mitsubishi are making a whole shitload of cash off of the cheap labor they get from plants in Tennessee and Kentucky. Goddamit, they don't have the right to make a decent profit. I will concede, the companies that Nike pays to make their shoes do pay their workers in Vietnam and Thailand upwards of about $45 a month.

While you are reeling from the shock, let me also tell you that the minimum wage in Vietnam is $40 dollars a month. This may very well be a great injustice, but ya know what? It's just the way business is conducted. People start a business to make a profit. When the company grows to the size that they can expand outwards and subcontract factories in countries where the labor is cheaper, then God bless them and the free market economy.

Godless Cults, Squirrels and Panhandlers

I am completely unaware of the CIA and how they affect my day to day life. I am completely confused about the meaning of the song "Home on the Range." I have never seen the deer or the antelope playing on my kitchen stove. I have no idea what the words "libertarian" and "editorial" mean when used in a sentence together. I have vague connotations of the word "libertarian," and even more concrete ideas on the word "editorial," but when used together I find myself at a complete loss for their meaning.

I am completely unaware of the kind of high that heroin would give me, not that this is a bad thing. I am completely unaware of how nuclear power plants operate, but I am sure I am against them. I have absolutely no understanding as to why I am able to function for three days without sleep, but I manage. I do not understand why the majority of people who speak out loud can sleep after saying the things they say. And when it comes to theoretical mathematics, I am completely oblivious to anything anyone says about it.

I am absolutely dumbfounded as to why females spend any amount of time in my house, yet they do. I do not understand why my neighbor sells crack, or why the little kid that lives on my block constantly harasses me for money. I have no comprehension of syntax or word order. I do not comprehend space travel, zero gravity, or the speed of light in a vacuum at all.

Of all the things mentioned here and all the things not mentioned that I do not understand, perhaps the most astonishing point that I find myself confounded by is the ASUO Executive. What the hell is the ASUO Executive and why do they take so much of our money, leaving us with empty wallets and with no fucking idea what they are doing? Half of the student body does not understand the acronym ASUO, especially when followed by the cryptic Executive term and yet this Godless cult receives $276,296 of our student Incidental Fees. Why on earth is this sort of thing going on? Don't we have enough problems with the squirrels and the 13th Ave. panhandlers approaching us for handouts? Come on, we are paying for our own little model bureaucracy out of the pockets of the....uh, whoever it is that pays for it, but the point remains valid. In a world where millions suffer through injustices like those damned Gap jeans commercials on a daily basis, and funding lobbyists that work out of Portland so that Congress can help keep the US safe from those "Bad Men," is it now time that we stopped all this campus douchebaggery and actually got something done.

Talk To Your Father

Well, I can tell that I've finally reached a low-point in my life. Instead of going out, looking for women, or passing out in a puddle of my own vomit in Springfield on January 26th, I decided to go listen to anarchist John Zerzan speak. What I found most amusing, or maybe disturbing, is that over five-hundred other people were there too. And what a collection of people. I think every rag-tag, unwashed, stoned freak in Eugene was there. Well, that's an drastic overstatement considering we're talking about Eugene. But there were lots of the older Jerry Garcia types as well as the younger Marilyn Manson variety there. A group of real winners. Well, enough about the crowd, for now.

I settled down in my seat between the middle-aged, bearded man with his face painted half black and half white and the twelve year old gothic chick carrying a newborn baby. After some chubby sissy from the Cultural Forum got up and denounced the Unabomber's use of violence, the proceedings then got under way. I realized then that I had misjudged John Zerzan. Don't ask me why, but I figured he'd stand up and yell his irrational thoughts all evening. But, on the contrary, Zerzan sat at the podium very quietly, serenely in fact, and calmly presented his irrational thoughts all evening. Although I had a hell of a time understanding most of his esoteric ramblings, I did catch a few of the random anti-industrial comments he spewed. For example, Zerzan was a proponent of doing away with society as we know it and regressing to a prehistoric, Stone-Age civilization. While I'm all for clubbing my woman of choice over the head and dragging her back to the cave, I just don't think it would work.

One thing that impressed me about Mr. Zerzan, was the fact that he did not try to ride the coattails of Ted Kaczynski. He did admit that the reason that we were all there was because of Kaczynski's infamous letter-writing campaign, but he would not disclose any personal information on the now convicted Unabomber, much to the chagrin of my face painted neighbor. He would not even claim that they were friends like our trusty school newspaper, the Emerald, would lead you to believe.

Now in retrospect, I realize that even though Mr. Zerzan was a little fruity, he was actually one of the saner people in the room. When question and answer time came around, the crowd showed their true colors. One woman said that because of computers we would all be killing each other in twenty years. This statement even blew Zerzan away, as he responded, "Wow." Another man, a self-proclaimed ex-techie who had given up a lucrative position as a computer scientist, drew a large round of cheers, hoots, and hollers when he revealed that he was "getting back to nature."

I'm sorry if I offended you Mr. Zerzan, Mr. Kaczynski, or any other radical anti-industrialists, but I believe that technology is here to stay. So please, no mail.