Nobody Asked Us, But...

It's All a Joke. Lighten Up.

It seems that three staffers from the Oregon Voice took it upon themselves to get inebriated and disrupt one of OSPIRG's general interest meetings. When reached for comment, Oregon Voice publisher Rob Elder denied any involvement in the ruckus the young students made last Wednesday night. "I just told them to report on the meeting. I certainly didn't tell them to show up wearing cut-off t-shirts with confederate flags on them and rabbit fur bomber hats. And I think we all know that being in possession of St. Ides 40s on University property is strictly verboten. They will be severely punished to the full extent of my simpering ability."

Let's hope so. This kind of behavior is shameful to the Voice as well as the entire University community. Well, not as shameful as their last issue.

Let Down Your Hair

So I was taking a piss on November 30 in the EMU and I came upon a moment of clarity. I have the power to stop Rapunzel in my hands.

All this time, all these years--worrying about the day that 2 tons of unwashed blond hair would fall from the sky and suffocate my soul--I've had the power and I didn't even know it.

Suddenly, as a result of my revelation, the future seemed bright, the economy seemed strong, and I felt as though I was back in control of my life. Wait! What do you mean...

The Keizer Connection

There are rumors circulating that a certain ASUO Vice-President (we'll call him Ben U. or better yet, B. Unger) is parading around campus claiming to be a Spice Girl. Do not have sex with anyone referring to themselves as Old Spice! We repeat, do not have sex with anyone calling themselves Old Spice! Don't say we didn't warn you...

...Keizer, Springfield, Medford, Coos Bay, and Klamath Falls all really suck. No really, they're pretty crappy. Albany also sucks. So does Corvallis.

Things to Do:

Read the Insurgent for witty and incisive analysis of current ASUO politics.
Complain. About anything. Find someone collecting a stipend and complain.