Spew
On Making Sense of it All
Really? I thought they ran on volunteer donations.--An OSPIRG volunteer trying to figure out what she's gotten herself into. Wait, I think I understand... nope, forget it.
I have a couple of questions for clarity. XXXX regarding XXXX, who is XXXX?.
--From a XXXX of a recent campus XXXX system XXXX.
On Getting Some
There are a lot of bitches on the staff, and, hey, they're emotional people. You can print that! You know how women are--they overreact. It's not really a big deal. And to be honest, Liz does find me very attractive. If I wanted her to blow me, she would.--Craig Kilborn, host of The Daily Show, displaying the suave charm that makes him such a hit with the ladies.
On Is There a God?
Jesus, I love you. Jesus, I love you..--Mother Teresa's final words according to one of her nuns.
I can't breathe.
--Mother Teresa's final words according to her doctor.
On Second Coming
He is the Chosen One. The world is just getting a taste of his power, because he's qualified through his ethnicity to accomplish miracles.--Tiger Woods' father being dumb.
On Super Sunday
Now I know where you live.--Student Senator Dave McGee to our illustrious Editor Emeritus. This is more of a threat than most people will ever know.
On It's Just Not Like the Old Days, is it Steve?
If the PFC chooses, they could follow policies that actively encourage diversity, access and democracy within the ASUO and the student body. Instead, they seem content to police student group's budgets, making sure all the beans are counted appropriately, rather than used wisely.--From an Insurgent editorial. Since we pretty much elected them to count the beans and not to make policy, I guess you'd be, uh, wrong. Another the tip: the ASUO is the student body, dipshit.
If [the PFC] would like to decrease spending, there are far more logical ways to do it. The two largest areas of waste continue to be the bloated Athletic Department and the EMU.
--Also from the Insurgent. That would be logical if you were talking about, say, the Athletic Department Finance Committee or the EMU Board, but since you're talking about the Programs Finance Committee, then NO!
On Justice
We feel that it is crucial to both the safety of all students on campus and to the validity of our conduct code to comply with the findings of the board.--The ASUO Women's Center staff in an open letter to President Frohnmayer. What would truly be crucial is getting a rapist off the streets.
On Jumping Ship
I think our population of mice has really fallen.--Mike Larimer, University Housing maintenance supervisor. If even the mice are moving to off-campus housing, then it must be official: the dorms suck.