Nobody Asked Us, But...

Coors Cutter for the Corps

The Senate may often be slap-dash about how it conducts itself during meetings, but if you're a spectator, there are no two ways about it: you behave, even if you're a member of the press corps. Two OC staffers who regularly attend Senate meetings found this out the hard way last Wednesday when they tried to enjoy some refreshing Coors Cutter as the senators went about their business. The staffers, who go to Senate meetings more for the entertainment value than to keep abreast of campus politics, were almost immediately censured for the quite understandable urge to combine beer with pleasure.

The situation prompts us to ask: What happened to the days of yore, when reporters had a three-martini lunch at 11 AM and continued to drink until well after the nightly news was over? What happened to the newsman of yesteryear, who sipped form coffee cups filled three-quarters full of Scotch, whilst interviewing sports stars, foreign dignitaries and famous artists? Bemoan the demise of true journalism my friends. Yes, and decry people such as our Student Senate who would corrupt the integrity of those of us dedicated to being the eyes and ears of the public by not allowing us to tipple indiscriminately while on the job.

Apple-Scented Hip-Hop

So I was taking a piss the other day in the EMU and I came upon a moment of clarity. I have the power to stop rap in my hands. All this time, all these years-from Run DMC to the Sugar Hill Gang to Ice Cube to Vanilla Ice to Ole Dirty Bastard-I've had the power and I didn't even know it.

Suddenly, as a result of my revelation the future seems bright, the economy seemed strong, and I felt as though I was back in control of my life. Wait! What do you mean

The Geneva Convention

You'd think after years of this student government stuff, Geneva Wortman would learn something about procedure and decorum. They say ignorance is bliss, and indeed Ms. Wortman is a very peppy person. In her distinguished history on the Student Senate last year, Wortman voted to give OSPIRG money despite her well-known involvement with the organization.

Then in the most recent senate meeting she immediately made a motion without any discussion to appoint her friend and sorority sister, Erin Ivory, to a PFC seat. While this isn't explicitly illegal, it's just bad form. Thanks for playing, Geneva!

Things to Do:

  1. Visit http://www.theonion.com - it's even funnier than we are.
  2. Get lit and go to Student Senate meetings.
  3. Ask Ostis to see the ultrasound.
  4. Riot again.