Spew
On Scantily Clad
If this becomes some sort of trend where publishers start appearing in the nude in their own magazines I am canceling my subscription to Forbes.--Mark Russell on JFK Jr's little stunt in George. Nevertheless, plans for a "Boys of the OC layout proceed unchanged.
How would you like to spend a week with Robert Bork, Dinesh D'Souza, Brit Hume, Ward Connerly, Mona Charen, John Leo, Brent Bozell, Kate O'Beirne, John O'Sullivan and William Rusher aboard a luxurious cruise ship sailing for Balmy Bermuda?
--From National Review. Ah, yes--noted conservative thinkers wearing skimpy swimsuits who have sucked back too many umbrella drinks just the thought sets all a-shiver with delight!
On The Obvious
Zero tolerance means just that--zero zolerance.--Eugene Public Information Director Brian Terett on the new city policy toward rampaging drunken mobs. Mr. Terrett is really earning that paycheck.
On Common Sense
This trend has always been stable. We've always been up there.--Student Health Center nurse practitioner Anne Mattson on a study that showed UO students consume more marijuana than the national average. The study also showed we drink more, too, so we must be on the right track.
We've definitely been too liberal this year.
--Student Senator Laura Kane on the Senate's performance so far. They're making up for lost time now though.
On Dang, Cletus!
Bookstore Supports Literacy.--From a UO Bookstore ad. This is just sad. Really. This sucks. We're not kidding. Seriously.
On Mother Knows
We are not paying for your education so you can write for various underground newspapers. Why don't you get on the staff of the legitimate school newspaper. It will look better on your resume in the long run.--Advice from the mother of a prospective OC staffer. Ha, he works for us now anyway, Ma! We promise not to send him back until his liver is bloated and his skin has a distinctly jaundiced pallor!
On Intolerance
Let some other, lesser candy feature sky-colored shell. We want our M&Ms pure.--From the November 3 Emerald editorial. This is sounding suspiciously like creeping confectionery fascism. Then again, Schmierbach is blond and blue-eyed, isn't he?
This is in case you've forgotten how to be a white man and you need a
Christian to remind you.
--Handwritten note on a Promise Keepers flyer posted on the NASU office window.
On Communication
The ability to speak fluent English must not affect your decision about hiring a perspective employee.--From advertisements run by the US Department of Justice. Communication with customers and clients isn't a priority anyway.
On Riverboats
Sometimes too much drink is barely enough.--The wisdom of Samuel Clemens.