Feature

Grievances 101

Who do you talk to when you have a problem with the University? One intrepid student has some answers. Explore these avenues at your own risk.

Say you're a glass-half-empty type of person. You like to complain a lot. Whenever something is wrong or unfair, it annoys you to no end. Well, if these statements accurately describe you, then welcome to the University of Oregon, your own personal hell.

Short of leaving the University, your options in this scenario can be summed up in a sort of trivalent nutshell. One, you can do nothing (the most common decision among students), then sit around and feel depressed because you are constantly being bitch-slapped by the system. Two, you can vent your frustrations by coming up to Room 205 in the EMU, writing self-aggrandizing rants on a bi-weekly basis and deluding yourself into thinking that whoever reads this actually cares, or three, you can actually do something about whatever it is that is bothering you.

It might surprise you to hear that option three is actually a viable one. That ridiculous amount in fees you pay every term does provide you with several services, in addition to giving you the right to complain about the numerous problems you will face as a student at the UO. Unfortunately, when most students try to complain they get so lost in the bureaucracy they canít find their ass with both hands and a nautical compass of exacting precision. So, without further ado, here is a list of resources that you can use or abuse if you find yourself staring down the barrel of a problem at the University. Don't hesitate to use them--even if you don't youíll pay for them anyway.

• The Student Senate / Room 28 EMU, 346-3749
  Whether you're the one in ten student who got off your ass to vote in student government elections doesn't matter. Once in office, it's the Senate's job to address the concerns of students. Almost every day they have a table set up in the EMU where you can talk to a member of the Student Senate and fill out a grievance form, or you can drop by their office in the basement of the EMU and fill one out there. There are nine academic Senators that represent students in each of their respective fields of study, and their sole job is pretty much to hear student complaints. Typically, they do nothing. They are generally too lazy to actually seek out their constituents and listen to their problems, so if you show up with a complaint you might just validate their existence and make them feel good about themselves. Despite their indolence, most have noble views on public servitude. Help them help "empower" you. True, the administration generally considers them bootlicks, but the Senate still controls a lot of student money and if you're really desperate, you can even fill out a special request form and ask them for some of it. Hell, you don't even have to be desperate--historically they have given it out on a whim.

• The ASUO Executive / Suite 4 EMU, 346-3724
  Remember that obnoxious guy who was your student body president in high school? You know, that well meaning guy who promised he would extend lunch period, but after he got elected the principal wouldn't let him even fill the pop machine? You know, that guy. Well, when he got to college, somebody decided to let him run amok, giving him a huge budget and letting him hire a staff of kids four times as big as he needs. You don't believe me? Just march on down to Suite Four in the EMU and see for yourself.

  Seriously though, the ASUO (that's Associated Students of the University of Oregon) President and Vice-President Bill Miner and Ben Unger are "all about outreach," whatever the hell that means. I'm inclined to think that it means they want to help students. The ASUO Executive has hired representatives to act as liaisons for every conceivable student problem, from multicultural concerns to issues in the Greek system. Stop in and see if they can help you out, or just come by and say, "I can't @#$%! believe you spent my student money on urinal screens with ineffective anti-rape slogans on them."

• Student Programming
  There are so many services offered by student programs, it's hard to tell where to begin. But if you have a specific interest, chances are thereís a student program along the same lines, whether you just want to play some organized ball with Club Sports or you want the Designated Driver Shuttle to haul your drunk ass around town. These services can make life at the UO substantially more comfortable if you tap into them. Far too few students utilize these programs, and you really should do something other than drink and study--or so I keep telling myself.

• ASUO Legal Services / Room 334 EMU, 346-4273
  If it really hits the fan--say you're in trouble with the law or you have to deal with a lawsuit in one form or another ASUO Legal Services was designed to help you out. While they're probably not going to get Alan Dershowitz on the horn because you believe that attempting suicide on public property was your first step toward financial independence, they can show you the ropes w/r/t the legal system, and possibly get you some pro bono legal work.

• Office of Student Advocacy / Room 339 EMU, 346-3722
  This is where you go when the University is after you. Maybe the PC stormtroopers in Elaine Green's Office of Student Conduct (please note that this office is conspicuously absent from my list) are trying to deny your right to due process and fair hearing with the University. Or maybe you just screwed up. Maybe you were stumbling drunk across campus and when OPS pulled up and your friend left you in the dust, holding his stolen property, and you don't think it's fair that OPS is going to file a student conduct report against you for a crime you didn't commit, besides it wasn't really stolen because that guy wasn't so handicapped he needed two crutches... oh, nevermind. Just call James Britt at the OSA.

• Office of Student Academic Affairs / Somewhere in Oregon Hall, 346-4273
  Believe it or not, from time to time professors do things that are inappropriate and unfair. You can talk to their department, but mostly you will just encounter a lot of people trying to cover their own asses. You do have recourse, however. Go down and talk to someone at Student Academic Affairs. I once encountered a professor who spent 10 minutes of my class time encouraging students to vote a certain way on a particular issue. A quick email calling them on their inappropriate behavior and a veiled threat to go to the Provost and Student Academic Affairs had them apologizing profusely.

• Student Health Center / 1590 E 13th, 346-2770
  Paranoid about STDs? Scratching those dreads a little more often than we really should? Don't forget that the Student Health Center offers a variety of cost effective ways for dealing with the full ambit of health problems, from dental hygiene to drug abuse and mental health issues. If I could just get them to stop bothering me...YES I ALWAYS SHAKE LIKE THIS. NO I WILL NOT LOOK TO GOD AS I KNOW HIM FOR HELP... AND GIMME THAT GODDAMNED BOTTLE BACK!

Mark Hemingway, a senior majoring in Journalism, is Associate Editor for the Oregon Commentator