Nobody Asked Us, But...
Gee Professor, You're So "Wired"
As this Internet fad courses through the nation like a tsunami of epic proportions, universities are quickly succumbing to its iron grasp like Marv Albert at the hands of Lady Angelinatrix. Which is fine by us. But what seems to be a bit of trouble are professors posting lecture notes on school websites, mainly in relatively unimportant academic areas such as physics. As if the school needed to create more reasons to cut class. You already have alcohol, general mischief and cow mutilations--I mean, er, um...Essentially, the UO has allowed professors to play God and plant the seeds for the creation of a fully interactive virtual reality cyber-university, so no one will ever have to leave their own life-simulation cyber-consoles, the Lawnmower Man will return to rule the cyber-galaxy and soon we'll all be androids wandering around the factory in a geometry induced cyber-daze manufacturing Tamogatchis to support Big Brother's crack habit. At least that's our take on it.
Torturing Artist
The Emerald Editorial page has always been a very scary place. But we seem to remember a time when you actually had to read the editorial before you got that feeling of sinking into a boiling hot vat of Karo syrup that usually accompanies entering that Dantesque ring of ideological hell that is the editorial page.Now all it takes is a quick gander at the editorial illustrations in the Emerald by Chris Hutchinson before we are thoroughly frightened and disgusted. It seems painfully obvious that the scratchy lines and fragmented cubism are the product of a disturbed psyche. Remember that kid in the back of class in Junior High who wore all black, never showered, constantly fondled that eight-sided die and generally creeped everyone out? Remember the rumors about what he did to cats? Remember what he drew on the covers of his notebooks? Well, Chris has now grown up and is getting paid for his "talents."