Nobody Asked Us, But...

The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

There's good news, and there's bad news: The fools in Suite Four that went by William Dickson Miner, III and Bunger have graduated, but their mistaken belief that we at the OC are part of the "vast right-wing conspiracy" lives on. Perhaps William Safire should have referred to these two as "congenital liars."

And speaking of congenital liars, we're looking forward to the next school year and the barrel of laughs that should be the Geneva "What she said" Wortman and Morgan "I don't have a speech impediment" Cowling administration. Look for the return of OSPIRG, increased funding for the USSA and long-distance line items maxing out early in the year as they need to maintain constant contact with Kalpana Krishnamurthy, the best OSPIRG lay we've had in years.

You know, the usual.


Asserting the Painfully Obvious

It all comes down to kiddie porn. Can we shop online? Yes. Should there be government regulation? No. All internet issues go back to kiddie porn. It doesn't have anything to do with little genitalia, or the sanctity of children's innocence. It has only to do with the relative quality of the kiddie porn.

Obviously, porn in all its incarnations is acceptable in a digital format. It's what the marketplace of ideas will bear.

Let that be a lesson to you.


Haiku Poet, Jr.: Born Again

In oblivion,
On the porch at Rennie's with
A fifth of Turkey.

Wondering, why here?
And not in the office, but
I think I must have quit, once.

Grab a to-go cup,
Start the car, squint really hard,
Give up, stumble back.

No one notices
The pint of bourbon in my hand
Or my muttering.

"Fucking communists!"
I'm at that stage again, no
Wonder I can't see.


Things to do:

  • Take a moment to get the hell out of town.
  • Reflect.
  • Realize I hate Eugene.
  • Go Back.