Nobody Asked Us, But...

R.I.P. Troy McClure, Lionel Hutz

Phil Hartman--you might remember him from such television shows as Saturday Night Live, News Radio and the zenith of corporate broadcast television, The Simpsons. While he was not an essential character for the series, he definitely earned the sixth man award. His performance as aging actor Troy McClure in "Planet of the Apes--The Musical" (episode 3f15 A Fish Called Selma, original air date 3/24/96) rates as probably the best Simpsons ever, not to mention his seminal work during the salad days of SNL. We'll miss him. Oh well, this is what you get for marrying a model.

Student (which implies they're still learning) Senate

So the first meeting with the newly elected student senate went off without a hitch--NOT (oh boy, that clever adverbial idiom still sounds fresh all these years later). Actually it was quite the mess, subjecting some newbies to some rather complex procedures. Perhaps they should have been transitioned earlier, maybe they should have picked up a little parliamentary procedure before they began. In the meantime, show up Wednesday nights and watch them squirm and spend your money frivolously. If they look dazed, throw a hardback copy of Robert's Rules of Order at them. Wakes 'em up. Maybe if they knew what they were doing earlier, they wouldn't have voted to give money to an organization that's not a student group, who wants to fence off the free speech amphitheater for a fundraiser.

Scarier Spice

In the midst of mass killings, celebrity deaths and Jerry Springer, just when you thought that pop culture couldn't get any weirder, it has. Always does, always will. Charles Manson (it's always good when he rears his swastika-emblazoned head) has publicly announced that he will submit to lethal injection if he gets a chance to meet the Spice Girls. While ripping the Spice Girls has practically become a national pastime, we really don't know what to make of this. If those two forces ever did join up or even entered the same room, we're pretty sure that would be the final act needed to rip open the vortex to hell and out would pour Satan's minions to goose-step over our souls.

Haiku Corner

BY HAIKU POET

OSPIRG's big fee (whoops!)
Bunger, E-board (whoops! again)
Yet dicks will still swing