Spew
On Norton Antics
[Handgun Control Incorporated is] the organization that would rather see a woman lifeless in an alley with her pantyhose knotted around her neck than to see her with a gun in her hand.--Bang, of talk.politics.guns.
Carefully brewed for a clean, smooth taste.
--Legend on a can of Layout Night go-juice.
On Status Quo
I'm useless right now. I couldn't think straight if you paid me.--ASUO President Bill Miner. Hey, wait a minute -- we do pay him!
On Not-So-Strange Bedfellows
No thanks, I think I'm going to go to the OSPIRG meeting.--ASUO VP Ben Unger refusing a ride to his house from Senator-elect Jessica Timpany.
Isn't [the OSPIRG meeting] at your house?
--Timpany summing up the turpitude and decay.
On 100% Participation
Second.--Student Senator Rheanna Cash, seconding a motion to adjurn and speaking her first and, possibly, only word at a senate meeting.
On Funny Cuz It's True
Wortman, Cowling Snatch Executive.--Emerald headline announcing the winners of the hotly contested ASUO Presidential race. Y'know, every once in awhile those Emerald kids do something that totally redeems them in our eyes.
On Guns and Wrestling
Every week, I sit waiting for angry people. Sometimes I stand, but nevertheless, I wait. Someone approaches, and I am hopeful. They ask me where the bathrooms are, and I try to smile, but underneath I am sobbing.--Student Senator Jeff Kershner, giving voice to the tormented soul of every senator.
I don't claim to have X-ray vision or cat-like reflexes, but
I can provide answers or alternatives.
--Kershner, just being adorable.
On Ochre
First I agreed with Kent ... then I disagreed with him... then I agreed with him... then I disagreed with him... so keep talking.--Student Senator Mike Price displaying his flair for rhetoric during a senate debate on referenda.
On Bing
If I had cocaine right now, I'd do it.--Scott Austin, also summing it up.