Not Worthy

My House (or: Everything is Bad and Wrong)

What would it be like if you came home one night to find thirty or forty drunken crazies running around your house, spilling beer on the floor? Our illustrious Editor Emeritus had just such an experience (sort of) the night of the General Elections.

As per usual, our OC editors were hopping the elections night parties, congratulating the winners, commiserating with the losers and basically using the whole thing as a cover to soak up free booze like sponges. When it came time to hit the Progressive party (i.e. when we were drunk enough to not care about anything anymore) we followed the vague directions we had been given earlier in the day (obtained using techniques made famous in the movie Lethal Weapon) and headed for 20th & Agate.

Now, since OC Editor Andrew Oberriter lived in the neighborhood until less than a month ago, the Commentator contingent felt fairly certain we would be able to find the party. Little did we know that the party would be in the very house that Mr. Oberriter had so recently vacated.

While at the party, a stunned Mr. Oberriter was more or less incapable of coherent conversation, instead muttering to anyone who passed by, "Dear God--I used to live here! Do you understand me?!" Only the soothing influence of a healthy supply of Corona--stored in the very refrigerator where Mr. Oberriter used to keep his lettuce, eggs and lacy unmentionables--kept the erstwhile resident from a total breakdown.

Later, however, Mr. Oberriter did collapse on the floor of a friend's apartment and sobbed well into the morning while consuming copious amounts of Henry Wienhard's Hazelnut Stout, which, if you've ever tasted, should be an accurate indicator of the poor man's mental state.

Day In Court

The effort to have a new election comes from several unrelated quarters and promises some interesting arguments when the Constitution Court convenes its hearings on elections violations on May 13. The long money is on a blanket invalidation of the elections, allowing all candidates to climb back on board. The old Vegas hands are laying the heavy bets on some serious sanctions being handed down for some candidates and some sharp words from the Court in regards to elections policy and rules. And we must never rule out the possibility of one or two races being re-done due to improper campaigning. The Court did it once before and by all accounts, the allegations this time are just as damning.

More Complaining

Of course, the real winner in all this is you, the voter. If you're lucky, youll be pulled to the polls one more time to do your duty. And, if the gods smile upon you, the Elections Board may just update its webpage. As any computer-savvy elector knows, the Elections webpage is, officially, one year old. This years E-Board has utterly failed to utilize the resources of a school that has won awards for its introduction of technology to students.

Despite the fact that the current E-Board has built upon last years poorly-implemented computerization of poll booths, and has even looked forward to a not-so-distant future when students will be able to vote over the web, they have not done a lick of work on their own website: The E-Board made sweeping changes to the Elections Rules, yet the old set of rules is displayed on the web. Even worse, the names of last years candidates and their voters guide statements are also still up. Not only has the E-Board not put this years candidates on the web, they didn't even bother to take down sorely out-dated and potentially confusing information. Anyone checking the E-Boards election site before voting would think that Miner and Unger were running for a second term. Even if voters barely noticed, candidates should be a bit miffed by this. A traditional outlet for candidate information was denied to candidates for no readily discernible reason. Anyway, as we in the business like to say: If you swallow ammonia, induce vomiting with milk and immediately call your local poison control center. Get ready to do it all again next year.