Combatting Hate: All the Answers

CHALLENGE yourself. Try to rub you head and pat your tummy at the same time.

EDUCATE yourself. Get the hell out of a University that would tolerate whiny journalists who apologize for injustice everywhere. Get away from student unions who would rather lynch whitey than live next door to him. And remember that color is everything in a colorblind society.

ACT against prejudice. Don't judge people at all. That bum on the street is every bit as good as your roommate, so let him move in with you. Mom would be proud.

Editorial was not the opinion of the staff

The editorial board's editorial that ran on the opinion page on Tuesday was not in fact the opinion, or editorial of this editorial board.

This editorial was not composed as all Emerald editorials are: by the entire board. We start with a blank page, one person writes a word and then passes the paper to another board member. This process continues for about 900 words. Bingo: editorial.

Instead, one of our own acted out of his own volition to create an independent thought. He was not controlled by our strict policy of sensitivity and polite lies. Instead he put his words on paper and then maliciously snuck it by our complex set of multicultural safeguards.
We could say that it was late and that we were sleepy, drunk, stoned or stupid and you would probably believe it. But we are going to take responsibility for this action and we are going to suck up to the multicultural gurus, big time.

We as a board regret the labeling of the piece as an editorial. This inspired thought and dialogue and should not be confused with our normal practice of boring editorials and uninspired journalism.

Finally, we have stricken our offices of anything that might inspire independent thought in the future. All copies of the First Amendment have been burned and a quote that said, "Newspapers will die because they became overly cautious and dull" has been replaced with a new sign, "Think not what you can do for this newspaper, but think of what this newspaper will do to you if you ever think for yourself."

We pledge not to ever offend you again. And we pledge to be a responsible publication.

This editorial represents the opinion of the editorial board, though we reserve the right to change our opinion at any time because we are weak-willed, lack integrity and are closely related to most sea surfing intertebrae.

Univeristy needs to realize value of ethnic student groups

BY STEVEN ASSBURY & JENNIFER FARTER
Editor and Managing Editor

We didn't write it; we don't agree with it; we are not responsible. It was an errant staffer who wrote the article. That staffer is a conservative and, among other things, the sole reason the Emerald endorsed Gordon Smith. Blame him, not us.

The editorial in Tuesday's paper was filled with racist remarks and demonstrated a lack of understanding about the true roles that ethnic student unions play on this campus.

The Emerald has a long proud tradition of covering our asses and guarding our words. This is what makes us such a wonderful and insightful liberal paper. But being liberal has its ups and downs. While we are sensitive and caring, we are also confused since we are all white. Let us view this mishap as a quick lesson in multicultural bridge-building.

The foundation was laid by a generous invitation from the MultiCultural Center for us to attend our "hearing," which we eagerly accepted. After a one hour re-education where we were exposed to many different colors and we feel we really came into touch with the feelings of minority students.

It was a relief to finally meet these people. It is not often we get a chance to descend from our ivory tower to meet with the common folk.

Ethnic unions are not just clubs. All students can attend these events as long as they pay. It is not the student union's job to educate white people about racism. White people need to examine their own internalized racist beliefs.

As we changed our beliefs we found it necessary to hire a new MultiCultural Affairs Editor who will be in charge of our new MultiCultural section. We are segregating our publication into two sections: racist and non-racist. While this adjustment will be difficult for all of us at first, we believe it will end racism once and for all.

Finally, we encourage the ethnic students to seize the learning opportunity this entire incident has provided us. Now is your opportunity to do what you do best: Brow beat whitey. We hope you thank us for this opportunity.

This is the opinion we were told to have.