Nobody Asked Us, But...

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Veteran journalist David Brinkley recently made a public apology regarding some comments he made about Bill Clinton on national TV. Brinkley claims fatigue was the reason for his insulting remarks. It seems his tired mind unfairly declared "Clinton has not a creative bone in his body. Therefore he is a bore and will always be a bore." He also called Clinton's acceptance speech "one of the worst things I've ever heard" and and commented that his victory would bring about "four more years of God damn nonsense." Not that Clinton's alternative was any better, but at 76 years old and with his retirement pending, can't Brinkley, a well-respected journalist, admit that for once in his life he was just being honest? Lord knows what he would have said about Dole if he had forgotten to take his Metamucil.

Vivisect This, SETA

We always knew the people in Students For the Ethical Treatment of Animals (SETA) were a bit loopy, but loopy enough to spend a hundred hours in a makeshift cage on the lawn of Johnson hall to protest animal testing? Apparently so. Despite the weather, they've proven themselves to be committed little troopers by enduring the cold and the rain all night long, and have shown they care about lab rats everywhere. Fortunately, they've probably all been well vaccinated against illnesses that prey upon immune systems weakened by cold whether. Vaccines that were developed through animal testing...

Bach Stabbing

It's no wonder the author of the now infamous multicultural editorial in the Emerald has gotten himself into hot water. He has a long illustrious history of writing and publishing for the Emerald--people's feelings be damned. Last year he outraged city councilman Bobby Lee by printing highly questionable accusations about him in the midst of an election. But what a difference a year makes. Now that he's not a freshman anymore, he's finally learning how to piss off all the right people for all the right reasons. Too bad his boss hung him out to dry.

Non-Traditional Idiots

Gotta love that Larry Haftl kid. Just keeps churnin' out one freakin' bizarre editorial after another. He first caught our attention with a ludicrous piece in the Emerald last year in which he callously argued that war was beneficial. He also tried to convince us that there is a face on Mars and ruins on the moon. Now he rants for an entire page in the Emerald about an entirely forgettable remark in an editorial that ran weeks ago, in which the Emerald editorial board identified certain types of people whom they find annoying in classes. It seems Haftl took offense that one of the types of students they identified were the "non-traditional" students that feel the need to talk so much they monopolize discussions. We can't be sure how closely that description matches Haftl and if that's the reason he was offended, but we do know that if we had an older guy in one of our classes who looked like Orson Welles advocating social darwinism and ranting about space aliens, we'd be pretty annoyed too. And stop hitting on friends of ours half your age at bars. They think you're creepy.