Another Perspective

Deep Throat This, Dole

Welcome young saucepans. How're ya doin'? This is Perspective Guy. Another Perspective Guy (there was a different one last year). Right now I am sitting in my room naked with the heat set to 100 degrees. It is not uncommon for a great writer such as myself to require a proper setting when conducting the alphabetical orchestra. If you were to walk into my room right now there would be no way for me to explain my way out of what you would see except to say that this is the requirement for writing for a Libertarian magazine.

The Disclaimer
Don't worry. I am not against you. I just don't want you to get hurt. If you are sensitive, don't read my column. If you have high blood pressure, a stiff upperlip, live in the house of Quo, still live with mammy, make complete stops at stop signs, listen to country music, separate your whites from solids, purchase exercise equipment late at night off of the television or enjoy the rest of this rag, please don't read my column. I am not your friend. WE ARE SWORN TO BE DIFFERENT.

The Past
In the past this column has been a haven for neo-pop culture political hot shots and complaints about why college radio should rule the world.

The Present
Well, sorry folks--things have changed. I don't care to complain too much about the world. If you don't like it you can check out. You are also allowed to try to save it. But, don't cry to me about multi-national corporations and how they are ravaging the third world. The problem is not them, it is the world as a whole. We use money to purchase goods. Those goods allow us to eat. Feel free to be a capitalist; just don't blame me when Greenpeace serves your head up on a platter.

The Point
This is election season and I am concerned about my future. I am about to graduate and make a pit stop in the real world. The World of Real: where taxes are real, rent is real, crime is real, where cereal (Laugh here. I'm going to give you markers where the jokes are just in case you don't get them). The World of Real is a magical kingdom without the safety net of school and the financial support of parents. We can all live in this world comfortably if we have hope that there will be good jobs, a vibrant economy, safe streets, a clean environment, good schools and a hearty breakfast. Those are issues.

Now, close your eyes and imagine the two candidates. Clinton, Dole, Clinton, Dole. Say it to yourself, look down deep and try to honestly picture who is best able to fit the part of Bus Driver to the 21st Century. Let me give you some help. Clinton.... You know, Uncle Bill, our President. I will refer to him as Bubba during any future references. Bubba has had some rough times. Gennifer Flowers, Vince Foster, Whitewater, TravelGate, FBI FilesGate, I-tried-but-didn't-inhaleGate, and the ever so popular MTV briefsGate. Here is a president who has had to fend off a lot of allegations. So far he has remained as far above the controversy as possible.

And he's not perfect by any means. Show me a politician that is and I would suggest to you that they run for Pope. Politics is a like a dance party for politicians. They do a beautiful waltz with their constituents and an ugly lambada with special interests.

In particular, the Republican mentality is like that of a CEO. Make decisions which will help the bottom line in the short term while neglecting the future.

In contrast, Bubba's vision is easily traced by his record. First on the list is the stinking tax hike that we were slapped with when Clinton got into office. Does it suck? Of course it does, but it was the right thing to do. Our last two Republican presidents tried trickle down economics. What happened? In a matter of a decade we went from the world's largest creditor nation to the world's largest debtor nation.

For all you non-business people, imagine your credit card company, a high-rise in New York gleaming in gold. They provide you with a card that allows you to spend more then you have. Sounds good, until you start paying interest on the money they loaned you. You pay the minimum payment each month (because that is all you can afford). Guess what? Very little of that money is paying off your principal debt. In fact, most of your payment goes towards your interest payment. Now, you understand why banks have beautiful buildings and generous 401k plans. Now that you have had a bit of finance let's get back on track.

Clinton raises taxes to reduce our debt. Check it G--before Clinton, 30 percent of your tax dollars went towards interest on the debt. That money does not pay the principal, just the interest. That's not good business sense if you ask me. We just send the money overseas to have it leant right back to us. Imagine a reverse scenario. What if we were the largest lenders once again where countries were coming to the United States to borrow money and we as a nation were collecting interest. This position would serve us very well. Not only would we save money since we would no longer spend tax dollars on interest, we would in fact be earning money which only strengthens our economy.

Bob Dole claims that his 518,000,000,000 (that's billion) dollar tax cut will stimulate the economy so it can grow. Trickle down works in the short term. But, in the long run this policy will just lead to a rerun of the late Eighties and Early Nineties where we had a recession and high unemployment. Lets pay off the debt then make tax cuts. A 30 percent tax cut sounds good to me.

Oh yeah...

In the next issue, I will spend more time on the election. But now it is important to mention a few final things.

I am the new guy, the rookie, the new kid on the block ready to rumble and humble you with a rant that is all the rave. I don't believe in being anonymous. As a columnist I want you to understand me so that when I drive my perspective up your rear you can understand why it is so.

This is my fifth year at the University. I have seen a change of University Presidents, a rise in tuition, the Rose Bowl, the Toilet Bowl (after a long night of drinking at Max's where I happen to be a bartender). This is a wonderful University if you are an activist, atheist, anesthesiologist or an asshole. But, all the same, it is time for me to go put my clothes on and to find me a girlfriend. See ya. Lawyers Note: The Commentator is a journal of opinion. Some columnist opinions are more worthy then others. This column may not be reproduced with out the expressed permission of the author and a bottle of Wild Turkey sacrifices at the alter in the name of General Zod.

Chris Kantrowitz is a featured columnist for the Oregon Commentator