Another Perspective

I Made This, Really

Having broken free from the telepathic grip of the women of the OC, Dr. K has actually written this himself.

BY CHRIS KANTROWITZ

I hate writing this column. Every time I sit down to bring you something I am bombarded by prejudice and judgment. Mine is ever present. The structure of oneıs own personality dictates that. What makes my job difficult is outsiders looking into my fishbowl and dropping their own doodies into my already tainted water. (Fish donıt wear clothes).

What does all of this mean? I write for the Commentator. Each issue my wonderfully ironic name appears under some picture of me and a washed out politician. These two facts have found me guilty by association of being a Commentator lackey (to understand further see the ASUO news group uo.org.asuo).

This connection hurts me since I take great pride in my individuality. For example: I never attend staff meetings, I never have my piece in on time, I never go to my own parties and worst of all I donıt distribute copy. These, ladies and gentlemen, are all an integral part of being a lackey and I do none of them.

Now donıt get me wrong--I am not trying to dissuade your confidence that I am demented and strange. These things are up to you but I would ask that I please not be associated with the hate and malice which simmers in that slime filled Commentator office.

When a person joins a gang they are not fully accepted until they prove their loyalty. In doing so young gang members are often forced to break the law in the name of the gang. This could include murder, robbery or an even more challenging risky task: taking on Bob Wasson.

I donıt expect that you will freely disassociate me from the Commentator staff. Look at my record:

  1. I was the campaign manager for the Ed Madrid/ Sal 2000 campaign. As managing editor of the Commentator, Ed is one of my bosses. If you donıt believe me, look at the masthead. My name falls well below Edıs. He wields an iron fist and told me that there were no options. ³You must² manage my campaign, he said or he threatened he would take some Spew from a night at Maxıs two years ago where I discussed my favorite positions while sitting naked typing stories, and print it on the front page.
  2. Owen Brennan Rounds, former publisher of this magazine. Close confidant of mine. This alone is an impeachable offense. But guess what, so is Joey Lyons. Hmmm.
  3. Farrah Bostic is my roommate. Ouch! I live in the den of hate! Lucky for me she lives two floors below me and wonıt come into my room since there is always the lingering threat that she might see me naked. Contact is kept to a minimum.

With all of that evidence against me I know how to prove myself. I will model it after gang initiation. My thoughts about how to do this have been the center of all my attention this week.

I had several ideas. I considered trashing the office. But, after entering the place I noticed that it had already been done. Who would have done such a thing? I investigated, but was later told by a Commentator lackey that this was the way the office always looked. Damn, Iıve been foiled.

Then I thought that I would drop my suit against student government which would destroy its credibility with the student body. But then I realized that the suit has nothing to do with the Commentator and has everything to do with fairness and truth. So, if I was to drop my name off the suit then I would let down all of the people who hate the Commentator since they are also only concerned with fairness and truth. Then it hit me. Sometimes the obvious is overlooked for the sake of being creative. To prove that I in no way buy the Commentator ideology and that I am truly independent from their editorial terrorism. I am going to tell you the reader just how to get rid of the Commentator, or at least some of their ideological poppycock. To rid yourself of the racist Commentator, the recipe works like this.

  • Issue: the Commentator is racist because they supported Senator Sari Wisch.
  • Underlying source of problem: Incidental fees. This entire fiasco started when Senator Wisch was accused of being a racist just for doing her job. The Commentatorıs support for her immediately implicates the magazine as a group of hate supporters. This is not the first time that the Commentator has been in the middle of so-called "racism" due to their position on how incidental fees are allocated.
  • Solution: in order to rid ourselves of this narrow minded rhetoric we could get rid of the incidental fee. In doing so, the Commentator could never comment on this aspect of student government again. This would also send us well on our way to bringing racial harmony to campus.
That was only one idea. This one could sound the death knell for those "reporters" up near the international lounge. What is the one thing the Commentator does most of all? Havenıt guessed yet? OK, they are the ones who are always meddling in everyone elseıs business. Those damn Commentator people are in everyoneıs hair exposing impropriety in student government. Of course student government hates when the "rag" exposes what they have done. I think I have the answer for student governors. Hey students who govern, want to be rid of the Commentator? Well here is what you do. Ready? Here it is....FOLLOW THE RULES. Oh yeah, those three words can save you a lot of heart ache. If there is nothing for them to investigate then there is nothing for them to print. Sounds easy enough. Go to it. Then we can all live in peace without the hassle of those dirty Commentator wonks. I did it. I am free. I have sold out the magazine right out from under their feet. My name and the Commentator can no longer be said in the same breath. I will no longer be written up as "Chris Kantrowitz, OC Columnist." How could I be? I have proven my allegiance to the other side. Donıt worry, Another Perspective is not going anywhere. My perspective has not and will not change. This recent turn of events is only to sharpen yours and expose others to another perspective. My vigilance and desire to comment on the naked truth are as primordial as my heartıs beat. We can change the media. We can crush hate. It just takes some sharp thinking and a little ink from the barrel to clarify. One final note. On perspective. My field of expertise. Walk up to the mirror. Imagine your forehead opening and you exposing your brain to the outside world. Imagine a cavity with hundreds of little post-it notes. Look to the note marked sub conscious. Look closely at it and ask yourself if you need to be reminded that you have a sub conscious conscience. Once you open it back up listen to it. If you are doing what your sub conscience says then you are living. If you are stuck in society's rhetoric, doing and saying what you think society wants you to, your fiber will decay and you well be less than human. Do what you think is right. Life is about making tough choices. If the status quo helps your decision making process then look deep into your file of post-it notes and watch as you see your freedom slip away. Your freedom rests on you being honest with yourself. If you canıt do that and be that then you need to find a way to stem your decay. Telling the truth and acting on it always helps.

Chris Kantrowiz, a senior majoring in Political Science, is a featured columnist for the Oregon Commentator