Bill & Bunger
Bill Miner and Ben Unger: the men, the myth--but mostly the myth. The saga of two men's struggle to overcome incompetence and validate their existence through student government on a campus that just doesn't care.
BY MARK HEMINGWAYFrench writer Magaurite Duras once wrote that the reason people drink is to make up for the "lack of God" in their lives. Now, I don't think that it is any coincidence that when I ran into five of the six candidates for ASUO Executive the night of the primary election, they were all drunk. The political process is indeed a godless one, and everyone involved in this year's student government elections has some serious atonement to do, myself included.
Unfortunately, the political process doesn't allow for much in the way of redemption. Instead of abiding by the concept of benevolence that is found in most major religions, a political election is more in line with the plot of Highlander, except that there is no holy ground and back stabbing is permitted. The rest of the time, there are no moral absolutes because there can be only one, even if it means decapitating people who were once your allies.
The fact that someone like ASUO President-elect Bill Miner can win an election giving him power over six million dollars in student fees suggests that the world of politics, even at the student government level, is more cold-blooded than I thought it was previously. Bill Miner has done absolutely nothing to indicate he will act in the best interest of students; he is not well-liked in student government, nor particularly respected. He has also done nothing extraordinary with the positions in student government that he has held prior to becoming ASUO president.
His sole qualification is that he is a politician, and for that we must give him credit. He presents himself well, even though his level of competence is below par. He knows how to push buttons like a peyote dealer working on straight commission. While this apparently earns votes, the unfortunate side-effect of this is that his positions change depending on who he is talking to, and in the world of government this kind of shameless pandering ultimately serves not his constituents, but only himself.
And that's what student politics are all about for Bill, whether he realizes it or not. He is already well on his way to becoming a career politician. He has done nothing but hang out in Suite Four since he got here and he spent the first quarter of this year interning with Elizabeth Furse, U.S. Represenative (D-OR). It would seem that becoming ASUO President is just a stepping stone for Bill, who probably hopes to move into even bigger political circles along with other ASUO Presidents like Bobby Lee and Mark Rhinard.
Some still cling to the belief that politics, especially at this level, is a matter of civic responsibility not resume-padding, and it won't be cynical to suggest that we will see plenty of the latter and almost none of the former when Bill takes over next year. A brief examination of Bill's career in student government would suggest that history supports this theory.
Bill was in the fortunate position of being a Programs Finance Committee (PFC) Senator this year, which meant that he not only had a say in approving all the money and special requests that came before the Student Senate, but his being on the PFC also made him partially responsible for allocating money to all of the 80+ ASUO programs which receive student fees. Knowing that he was planning on running for ASUO President later in the year, Bill did everything he could not to alienate any one group that came before the PFC or the Senate. This meant that Bill found it very hard not to give every group that came before him all the money they wanted, student fee increases be damned. Regular students don't pay attention to the money they pay in incidental fees anyway. On the other hand, Bill could use the support of the ASUO Programs whose close financial ties to student government have traditionally made them a large voting block.
So Bill fought hard to give every student group and organization on campus every cent they wanted from student pockets, no matter how frivolous. Bill devised a clever political strategy to make himself look fiscally responsible when the truth of the matter is that he would have to take off his shoes and pants to count to 21. He would play good cop/bad cop all by his lonesome.
In dealing with groups that came before the PFC or Senate asking for money, Bill would immediately inform them that his hands were tied and painful cuts would have to be made. Yet, miraculously by the end of the meeting, Bill would have seen the light, realized how wonderful the organization or cause was and given them the money they wanted, whether they actually could have gotten along without it or not. The group walks away thinking, "Well, he was tough, but he understood our needs, so he was fair." This good cop/bad cop routine makes Bill appear responsible and the group indebted to him when the elections roll around.
A very telling example of this occurred earlier this year when the Elections Board went before the Senate. They were asking for over $9,000 to buy computer equipment since the current system for holding student government elections was grossly outdated. The Student Senate approved this amount. However, there was some doubt that the Elections Board would be able to put together this kind of system with only a few weeks before the elections. So Bill, being the responsible, concerned student senator that he is, put forth a motion in the Senate to rescind the Elections Board's money. After some heated debate and the admission that it would take "an act of God" to get the system up and running by the ASUO's computer support person, Ryan Ositis, Bill suddenly changed his tune. He announced he was going to vote against his own motion. Pretty shaky procedure for someone who is supposed to be a registered parliamentarian.
The elections were a complete disaster. There was one computer up and running the second half of the first day. The Elections Board never should have been given money for computers on that short of notice, and will end up giving most of it back. Obviously, it was questionable judgment on the part of the Senate to give them the money in the first place, and for that we have Bill to thank. Let the record show...
The PFC this year was a total failure. Bill Miner was on the PFC. Yet, for some reason he is deluded about his accomplishments and often brags about how responsible the PFC was when they gave away money like it was going out of style.
This was something he brought up often on the campaign trail. During the middle of the debates for ASUO Executive debates, he went on at length about this making several erroneous statements.
"We had a 100 percent retention rate on the PFC this year." Bart Alexander left the PFC at the beginning of the year, Sari Wisch was punished severely from the PFC by the Constitution Court and PFC Chairwoman Aliena Kleever stormed out of a Senate meeting announcing her resignation. This fails to constitute a 100 percent retention rate. Sounds like the PFC had quite a bit of trouble hanging on to people.
"We came in under benchmark." Wrong, wrong, wrong again Bill. As part of the Senate, Bill Miner agreed on a benchmark of three percent for the PFC, meaning that the PFC was not to spend more than three percent over the money they allocated to student groups last year. Then Bill Miner and the rest of the PFC immediately began handing out money with little regard for the benchmark. Half-way through budget season, the PFC was running a seven percent increase, no thanks to Bill, who participated in such antics as giving KWVA the $20, 000 dollars for equipment they requested after they told the PFC they could get by with $19,000. Not that KWVA could not use the money, but this decision was arrived at in a minute and a half. Then, in keeping with the good cop/bad cop routine, Bill and the rest of the PFC argued for half an hour over a $100 miscellaneous expense.
The PFC was way out of hand. Luckily, two groups did not show up for their PFC hearings and got automatically defunded. This helped bring them closer to their intended bench mark, but this did not mean that the PFC was acting more responsibly. Then the ASUO Executive office had to intervene, vetoing several of the budgets the PFC had already approved, which were then gone through on a line item basis (curiously enough, KWVA's equipment line item was substantially reduced in this process) and somehow the PFC ended the year under bench mark with a 2.19 percent increase, which Bill is beaming proud of. Nevermind that it took dumb luck and a swift kick in the ass from Matt and Glen for this to happen. The PFC and Bill Miner shouldn't be taking any credit.
Yet, for all the damage control that was done, the PFC still didn't come in under benchmark. While they are officially claiming that they came in at a 2.19 percent increase, former Senate President James Boyd looked at the PFC's numbers and discovered an enormous error. They had included a one time expenditure of $88, 000 from last year's PFC allocations that they were not supposed to include. When they computed how far they had surpassed last year's allocations, this made last year's allocations look more inflated than they really were and the PFC had allocated money over those inflated numbers. Take away that expenditure, and the PFC ends up with over a five percent increase, well above the three percent bench mark.
Former PFC Chairwoman Aliena Kleever also recently said "I wish that I had brought Bill up on non-fulfillment charges when I could have." It seems that fall quarter, Bill was so busy furthering his political career interning with Elizabeth Furse in Salem, that he wasn't doing his job back here in Eugene and missed several meetings and office hours.
All in all, a banner year for Bill Miner and the PFC. No wonder he is so proud.
Everybody Loves BenHow in God's name does an incompetant like Bill get elected? Well, in many ways he didn't. His running mate, Ben Unger is the major reason for his victory.
In last year's ASUO elections, Bill Miner had been supporting Bill Washburn for president. When Washburn lost to Matt Scotten, Bill showed up at Matt and Glen's victory party and began bad-mouthing Matt and Glen well within range of several burning ears.
Now because of this Bill has been kept at arms length by Matt and Glen and everybody else in student government who had supported them. At a recent Senate meeting Bill referred to ASUO president Matt Scotten as being "dickish" and Matt reacted strongly. Clearly, some tension already existed with Bill's role in student government this year.
Bill remedied this problem by convincing Senator Ben Unger to be his vice presidential candidate, and Ben is well liked by everyone in student government. Ben wasn't even his first choice (Jenna Wasson claims Bill had approached her first) but Ben was certainly the best choice. Even I must admit that Ben distinguished himself as one of the few academic senators who did anything other than attend the necessary meetings. His work in restoring parity to the University Senate could be beneficial to students, and a brief he wrote for the Constitution Court regarding the Sari Wisch incident was impressive. Ben was also a big help at the ballot. Bill and Ben made it into office with a ridiculously small 4.5 percent mandate of the student body, a large part of which came from Ben's ability to mobilize his fellow Greeks.
Ben's only problem is he doesn't always think before he speaks. He often stumbles for words and makes ridiculous suggestions like bothering students in grocery stores as a means of outreach for the ASUO, like he did when he was put on the spot in the debates. Bill often has to step in and modify what Ben is saying. Bill, being the professional politician that he is, tries hard to keep Ben in line. Watching the two in public with Bill's round face and Ben's tall lanky appearance is like watching Laurel and Hardy. Ben says something stupid, yet oddly perceptive, and Bill immediately winces, furrows his nose and begins beating Ben with his own hat until he corrects his mistake and sniffles so much you can't help but forgive the guy. And in the end, Ben is the lovable one even though he shouldn't need our sympathy, much less deserve it.
What to Expect Next YearDon't expect Bill to do great things. After some major elections controversy, Bill will take office and will spend a lot of time in Salem lobbying for a job, er, that's "student concerns." He will leave Ben to hold down the fort on most of the domestic issues, since everyone seems to like him better anyway. Student groups will run amok, fiscal irresponsibility will continue and for all their talk about outreach, the average student will still have no idea what an "incidental fee" is or what "ASUO" stands for. Still, his general history of incompetence won't let him make it through the year without a few major scandals that draw unwanted attention and trample on the rights of students. But Bill Miner will somehow convince himself upon leaving office that for all the mistakes he has made, he has also done the University a great service.
Funny, that sounds just like what went on this year with Matt and Glen. Viva le status quo!
Of course, Bill hasn't officially taken over as ASUO President so he could yet prove otherwise. But if Bill is going to accomplish anything good next year, he's going to have to fight an uphill battle-against himself.
Mark Hemingway, a junior majoring in Journalism, is Associate Editor of the Oregon Commentator