Wild Horses

A man named Horses would scare the crap out of me when he randomly popped his head out of the dumpster behind the house. Luckily, Horses is not a harmful person. He simply wants to drink beer.

If anyone is ever in need of directions to a party, Horses knows the way. He showed up bright and early every morning around five a.m. after parties. I only know this because I was awakened every morning by the sound of clanking cans and mumbling in the courtyard. If someone approaches Horses, he's quick to say that he means no harm. He'll then comment about the big party he attended last night. He is the expert. He judges a party by the amount of beer cans that are left over.

If you let Horses mill around the house for a while, you will notice that he becomes increasingly intoxicated. To him, beer is beer, no matter how old or empty the can is.

In the afternoons, Horses will tell about his fraternity days. With a 40 of Pabst Blue Ribbon in hand, he recalls his wild nights at the Beta house. He claims that he was an alumnus who did odd chores around the house. "Aaaah yup, I was a member of Beta Omega Theta Phi Kappa Pi Alpha. I used to live in the basement down by the washer and dryer. That is where I got my shirt that I'm wearing below my sweater. See, it has secret letters on it," Horses says.

Horses is also a former NBA basketball player. "I play basketball in your courtyard every night. And you know what? I make every shot that I shoot, even from far away." This story always amazes me because Horses never has a basketball with which to play.

One day, the police came for Horses. He was very drunk. Six police cars surrounded Horses and his Albertson's cart. Horses had jaywalked; a mortal sin to the Eugene Police Department. After that, Horses decided to change. Horses no longer wanted to run free. He wanted to fly. Horses decided to become "Seagull."

Seagull is eager to help sweep the courtyards for money. If he cannot make his money that way, he likes to stand outside of Guido's on Mug night. With a cardboard box at his side, he stands there, counting his change. One by one, the fellow drunkards come by to help him on his way with a little spare money.

It makes one wonder why people like Horses/Seagull have chosen this lifestyle.

For most, it is easy. Ask the person who broke into my room and stole my purple satin nightgown. This lady (or man) was also a great fan of my Gap denim shorts and my scented Victoria's Secret lotions. The accomplice was obviously a collector of rare Beastie Boys CD's and seven hundred dollar amethyst rings.

They aren't hardened criminals. They shouldn't be punished. After all, they left my stereo behind. Maybe they only stole my shampoo and conditioner because they wanted to clean up and get a real job. They are nothing like the two men who broke into the house to steal bicycles. Those were the bad men.

"Those people of the streets are harmless, they aren't here to hurt anybody," most people say.

Certainly the three transients who kicked down the doors of the frat house with bats in hand weren't there to hurt anyone either. They must have figured that there would be enough men in a fraternity house to start up an intramural baseball team. Four a.m. on the Fourth of July was the perfect time to start the All-American team, but the darned police who surrounded the house had to spoil all of their fun.

Some choose not to lead the life of crime. They make their money by entertaining people. Take "Rasta Man" for example. He loves to dance next to his Safeway cart with his stereo. He'll often beckon women to come dance with him by yelling, "Give up the funk, I want to funk." Although some of his lyrics are offensive and degrading to anyone who listens, he is just minding his own business.

Even more entertaining was the man who interrupted a basketball game to tell us all to "Go to Hell!" He wanted to fight anybody who dared to ask him to leave the property, but he changed his mind and grabbed a broken bottle with which to slit his wrists instead. In situations like these, one wonders what can possibly be "harmless" about transients.

True, there are men like Horses/Seagull who in the long run don't hurt anybody, but what if Seagull's other personalities tried to take over? We could have the Eugene equivalent of a Charles Manson on our hands, or in our houses.

The police responded to calls from our house roughly once every two weeks. It wasn't for noise violations or drunken fraternity brawls. It was always for thefts and attempted assaults by transients. Taxpayers pay for all of those visits, and the police shouldn't have to spend that much time taming the transients.

The transient problem is helped along by people (mostly students), who find it necessary to give money to panhandlers. Students should be educated enough to know that handing out money only strengthens an alcoholicÕs budget. If someone is in dire need of food, one could easily hand them a pack of Ramen Noodles. Certainly that kind of food is contained in almost every student's diet and it is alcohol free.

We all have to face the facts. Campus is no longer a safe place. The police station that was set up on 13th street is no comfort to those of us who've been affected by the violence. The police response is slow. Sometimes the wait is up to 10 minutes, and by that time, the transients have already made off with and sold your bike seat on the black market.

Students need to demonstrate that violence will not be tolerated. They must also learn to defend themselves and learn not to be such naive targets. When transients break into your homes, dorm rooms or apartments, you have a right to fight back. Sometimes it is the only way to show them that you are ready for anything. It also shows the transients that you are smarter than they are. If we were all armed, that would surely keep the bums out. No bum would have dared to enter the frat house this summer if they knew that we were prepared for them with rifles in hand.

When the lice-infested teens on 13th street ask you for spare change for food, tell them what they can do with their hemp necklaces. In other words, follow the simple zoo saying, "Don't feed the Animals!!!" especially when the animals have drug habits.

Transients who have no revenue will be forced to hop back on the train and find somewhere else to make a living.

When the transients leave, we will have a safer, if not more sanitary campus. We will no longer have to scrape the dog crap off our shoes. The air will be free from the stench of unwashed dogs and people.

Some students believe it to be their job to defend the "different." They believe that the police and the community are trying to run off those who choose to lead a "different" lifestyle. These beliefs are foolish. These people do not lead a different lifestyle by any means. Dreadlocks and tie-dyed T-shirts are nowhere near being different in Eugene; in fact, they are the norm.

Loitering by transients has been proven to scare off even the most loyal of customers from local businesses. This "different" lifestyle is dangerous and detrimental to Eugene's economy.

Few would want to risk harassment from a panhandler for a cherry-dipped ice cream cone from Dairy Queen, so they go somewhere else, or they just save their money. Those who argue that the panhandlers spend their money at Dairy Queen are stupid. If a derelict had a choice between a hot fudge sundae or another "full bowl" of pot, they'd most likely pick the latter.

Transients will not leave, and will continue to sleep in the bushes by Villard Hall and the University Inn unless we all do our part to educate and defend ourselves from those who choose to sponge off our spare change.

Don't provide revenue for the bums. Fraternal organizations could help the problem greatly by recycling their beer cans instead of tossing them in the trash. Locking up garbage cans would also keep the crusty scavengers away.

No police station will ever solve the safety problem single handedly. Every person must do their part to keep our campus safe and clean. Even if it means we have to give up the taunting and "water douching" of transients who trespass. Only then will we have safe lingerie drawers and CD collections.