Editorial

Hyundai: A Fight For Death

The public outrage is centered on a proposed 600,000 square foot semiconductor plant on a 210 acre site in the Willow Creek Industrial Park in west Eugene. The atrocities associated with such an endeavor are incalculable. Not only would the plant bring 1000 new high-tech jobs to Eugene, but it would bring a tremendous influx of cash to the local economy. That is only the beginning, however, because after a few years as many as 1500 more workers would be required. Remember, these are people we rightfully threw out of logging jobs; those tree killers have no business being rehired--if we wanted them working we would have left them that way.

If you think that's bad, just imagine what would happen if Eugene got a reputation as a haven for big business. The Hyundai plant has the power to lure dozens of deep-pocketed foreigners to our happy village. These slant-eyed immigrants are inherently evil: they are productive, they want us to take part in producing spooky new technologies and none of them smoke pot. If anything has ever been further from our goal of living in huts and eating indigenous home grown vegetation in a sustainable manner wherein no one is judged on race, gender or ability, it's these damn Koreans.

The very site the Hyundai has chosen is a threat. They actually propose to build upon one of our pristine, federally designated swamps. How many mosquitoes must die before this madness stops? Sure, they agreed to recreate more swamp in place of what they filled with our beloved dirt, but we all know that Mother Earth put those puddles there for a reason--a reason we will never understand nor question.

Another matter of dire importance is that Hyundai would use horribly toxic substances in the production process. They could pollute our ground water faster that Republicans have polluted the American consciousness. They actually think that it's a valid argument that William's Bakery emits way more toxins into the Eugene waterways then they would. Everyone knows that bread is good and only good things can from it. Hell, Jesus created bread out of thin air.

Hyundai desperately wants to invade Eugene in order to produce new-fangled gadgets that no one around here will ever use. In fact, they admit that they would make 30,000 silicon wafers a month, which would simply fuel the rest of the world's demented craving for technological advancement and efficiency. As the leaders of the Old World Order, we have to take a stand.

It is refreshing how many of our comrades have pulled together for this fight. The public forums were simply packed with our valiant, patchouli drenched brethren. The local media has backed us up too, a refreshing surprise from The Man. On that note, our city council members have proven to be incredibly visionary leaders by supporting our every whimper. And who doesn't feel that unmistakable tinge of pride when they walk down the street and see hundreds of "Hyundai--No Deal" lawn posters. Never have we been so united, but never has an issue of such great importance occurred. We might not vote, but we sure do care.

Yes folks, this is the mind of the average Eugenian. Members of this community feel that growth is death. As they fight to preserve all that is primitive, from the native topography to our very culture, they shut out all benefits of the real world. Our economy cries out desperately for expansion just as wave of high-tech companies chooses the Northwest as its destination. In response, we construct a moat of mediocrity and complacency around our fair shire to fend off the evils of change. Opportunity knocks and we prance happily in the other direction. Why?