Spew
On Chain Gangs
This is an efficent design for a lot of inmates to work safely and securely on the highways.--Ron Jones, corrections commissioner for Alabama.
It was uncomfortable. But it's like tied shoes: You get used to it.
--Charles Guess, an inmate in Alabama, convicted of jumping bail after robbing a card game.
On Depression
The World Bank, in an initiative that blends business and development, soon will provide funds for "micro-loans" to the Earth's poorest people... The loans, as small as $100... could have a powerful effect in improving income.
--From Reuters. Out of 5.1 billion people on the planet, you qualified as one of the poorest. Self-esteem builder there. Lucky you, though. That $100 will really get your life back together.
On Movies
I like to do that part. I'm 34, I want to do action movies until I'm 40. Then, maybe I'll do a comedy
--Actor Jean Claude Van-Damme. We'd hate to get hit by his slapstick.
Contains icky violence, adult language, gratuitous nudity and the inevitability of a sequel.
--Review of the movie "Species."
On Cynicism
The needle is not important. Whether you sniff it, smoke it, eat it, or shove it up your ass, the result is the same: Addiction.
--William S. Burroughs from Naked Lunch.
On Censorship
We're making allowances this year. But next summer there'll be no more flab all over the place and buttocks, cellulite thighs and drooping boobs will be banished.
--Mayor Andrea Guglieri of Diano Marina. We think if ever there might be a case for justifiable censorship, this is it.
On Politics, Eugene-Style
[Councilman Kevin] Hornbuckle got 61 votes to David "Frog" Miller's 33 votes in second place.
--The outcome of a poll for "best local buffoon." In other news, Hornbuckle is not seeking reelection and the Godfather of the ASUO, Bobby Lee, is seeking his seat.
She's a fine lady, doing as good a job as a mayor who has no power can do.
--Mayoral candidate James "Izzy" Whetstine on Ruth Bascom.
On Paranoia
You aren't quoting me, are you?
--ASUO University Affairs Coordinator Bill Washburn after being asked what title he held.
On Futility
We're not going to set [politics in general] right in the pages of Rolling Stone.--P.J. O'Rourke, scaring the hell out of every Political Science major between the ages of 18-24.
The opening has been drilled larger; the inside cavity filled with gun powder and a fuse has been inserted into the opening.
--From the Office of Public Safety. Think of it as a "How-to-build-a-better-hand-grenade" or maybe "Sex-Secrets-of-OPS."