Nobody Asked Us, But...

NBC Thursdays Cause Alcoholism

Traditionally, NBC airs the best Thursday night television. The Cosby Show, Cheers, and Night Court were staples of childhood television. Once again, NBC won a huge following with their line-up last season: Mad About You, Friends, Seinfeld, and even E.R. University students were graciously kept away from Guido's Mug Night with something better to do.

But now, NBC has kicked one out of the best and added two really shoddy shows. This is a disturbing trend. TV? Beer? TV? Beer? We hope to alleviate this problem by combining the two: Thursday Night Television--The Drinking Game...

UO Ducks and their Alumni

Sorry, no money scandals. At the end of last year, licking our wounds after the Rose Bowl, the Commentator staff predicted a 1-12 record for the Ducks and an 0-17 record for new St. Louis Rams coach, former Ducks Coach Rich "Mr. Third and Long, Let's Call a Draw Play" Brooks. Now, the Ducks are 3-0 going into a game against the pansies from Palo Alto. The Rams are 3-0, as well. Could we have been wrong? Could we have underestimated the power of the Duck? Or is it, as we are now predicting, the Seventh Sign? Is the apocolypse upon us? Or is this merely a public relations move by Gov. John Kitzhaber to cover up for the Tonya Harding-Sen. Packwood-Pinkman Threesome scandal? You decide...

Things To Do...

  • Start drinking. We recommend you continue until mid-terms. Classes don't start until then, anyway.
  • Visit the OC office and join our ranks. We'll even let you win at pool once or twice.
  • Read Microserfs by Douglas Coupland.
  • Check out the plucky phallic display in the EMU gallery. It's groovy.
  • We love mail, sometimes we even print it, so write us at: ocomment@darkwing.uoregon.edu

    Haiku Corner

    by Haiku Poet and Sons

    University
    One word only comes to mind
    To describe our pain

    Thinking of Suite four
    Another year, one more chance
    To kill those bastards

    Limerick Guy®

    There once was a young man with a beard,
    Dave Thorn's how his name oft appeared.
    He usurped a small paper,
    Which he thought he'd make greater,
    But insread he just made it look weird.

    What rules

    American Superconductor, Inc. has created a superconductor so maleable it can be bent by human hands without shattering. The computer hardware industry may finally catch up to the software industry.

    The Stephanie Miller Show airs in the late night slot. Not since Ed McMahon have a hosts breasts been handled so publicly and with so much tender loving care.

    What drools

    The not-so-peaceful passing of our favorite alcoholics. RIP: Torchboy, Felix D. Burke and all the rest. May your souls be free and your livers be holey.

    Calvin Klein yanked their "crotch shot" advertising campaign after receiving a forest full of letters of protest from the moral majority. An advertising campaign linking denim to pedophilia: daring art or just horny old guys?