On Hippies You can't walk anywhere in Eugene without seeing a hippie. I mean, they just like...they're everywhere. That's one thing that's cool about Eugene. You're not going to go anywhere else and see hippies like we've got hippies. -Oregon Cornerback Rashad Bauman, quoted in the Oregonian. Hey, somebody, get the Chamber of Commerce on the phone. Have we got an ad campaign here or what! When I got up there and saw these hipppies, I was like "What's wrong with the hair, and why do they smell like that?" You know what I mean? Because they wear that musk or whatever. It was just wild for me. It was just totally different. I hadn't seen a hippie. Hippies were '60s. I thought they didn't exist anymore. -Bauman, again. Oh, they exist all right, they exist in the heart of every little boy and girl as long as they keep believing. On Rock and Roll It isn't only rock and roll. It's about the corruption of children. It's about beating up women. It's about lying. It's about all kinds of --every immoral action that I could ever think anybody, short of murder. -Bill O'Reilly, opining about the moral character of the Rolling Stones. Yeah Bill, but it's also about the music man, the rock and roll. Oh and the promiscuous sex snd the rampant drug use. What else are we forgetting? You don't think that they're evil guys? I mean, Brian Jones, for example, six children out of wedlock, doesn't support them, beats up his girlfriends. I mean physically punches them in the face. Keith Richards, heroin addict for decades, sharing needles with other people. His own son, Marlin, watching him take heroin. -Bill O' Reilly, again. Oh the audacity of that Keith Richards. Hoarding the heroin for himself while his poor son suffers through withdrawals. Sweet brown sugar, indeed. On Mediocrity Watching the Baltimore Ravens play football is like watching scum freeze on the eyeballs of a jackass, or being stuck for six hours in an elevator with Dick Cheney on speed. -Hunter S. Thompson, in his ESPN Page 2 column. Comparatively, watching Shawn Kemp play is like watching Dick Gephardt on coke. We are striving for mediocrity, and failing. If this were a grading system, we'd get kicked out of school. -Tim Young, student board member for the State Board of Higher Education, quoted in the 1/14/02 Oregon Daily Emerald. We at the Commentator have strived for mediocrity, failed, and still passed J201. On Zealots For me it was a very clear expression of patriotism as a religious zealot experience where God is money and power...It was very paternalistic, transpartent, and certainly had overtones of fascistic control. -Amy Pincus Merwin, a protester gathered outside of the Parkrose High School during President Bush's recent trip throught Oregon. Clearly the fascists never got around to forcing Madam Merwin into their evil, repressive vocabulary classes. I'm willing to die for those trees. That's why when someone pulled on my rope I kept climbing and I fell. That's how I got these scars on my arm, the scar on my forehead...the lesions on my brain. -Mike McCarthy, 1/02/02, on Cascadia Alive. Mike was described as being a "tree-sitter extraordinaire." It's great to have heroes in a war for lumber, but we hear strange reports of these brave souls coming back with Tree War Syndrome. On Freaks and Geeks I spent the evening with my most beloved, uh, cousin. Of course, I would like to have spent it with someone unrelated to me--there is only so much embracing you can do with even a male relative. -Tara Debenham, in the 1/12 ODE. This one's too easy, just insert your own funny comment. Cousin's embracing, sinful lust...do you need a map? When I heard "red alert", the "wormhole" sequence, and "Spocks Vger tour" I was appalled. They changed the Kalaxon for Red Alert to some kind of soft keyboard tone, and completely cut the chick (Mrs. Roddenbury?!) who talks about the proper use of the Thruster Suit... Why? -Posting on www.aint-it-cool-news.com regarding the Star Trek: TMG director's cut. Never mind this quote...did you understand what was funny about the last quote? She's "embracing" her male relative...what does this lead us to presume? It's incest you stupid fuck, that's the joke. Incest!