On Erecting Edifices
The average cock is six inches. Put on top of each other, all the cocks I have fucked would be higher than the Empire State Building.
-Feminist Porn Star Ann Sprinkle. In other news, Korina Dalman, a
freshman, lost her virginity at a recent frat party. With all the cocks she took that night, they'd all add up to a Leggo Empire State Building.
Whores help the handicapped.
-Sprinkle, again. So do seeing-eye dogs, but they don't drain you bank account and leave you with a nasty rash.
On Supporting the Troops
Fuck you guys! War kicks ass!
-Yelled by man driving by parade of anti-war protesters. No doubt this venture into the Socratic method changed the minds of many of the middle-of-the-eco-friendly-road protesters that day.
Come on guys! Show some enthusiam, we're trying to stop a war here.
-Words of random protester trying to rally the troops together. It's just so hard to get good help in defeating a common sense, popular war effort for the survival of the American way nowadays.
On Bowl Implications
Watercraft operator dies after high speed collision with a flying duck in Florda.
-Headline from Drudgereport.com. Sounds like just another BCS fiasco to us, but we'll still put money on our guys.
On Talking Points
If this was two hundred years ago, there'd have to be a duel, and believe me, I'd win.
-Fox News host Bill O'Reilly challenging cyber-journalist Matt Drudge after the Drudge Report broke a story about a possible O'Reilly radio program. Word has it Geraldo Rivera has expressed interest in taking a position at the BBC to cover the contest.
On 420
It's not even 4:20 in the afternoon and you're going to hit me with an argument like that.
-Conservative talk show host Lars Larson to a caller arguing that by requiring high school athletes and others partaking in extracurricular activities to take drug tests the government is hampering creativity, and in turn, the evolution of the human species. No word on whether or not pissing in a cup hurts one's long jump efforts.
The average driver on pot is as statistically safe on the road as the average driver not stoned on anything.
- Patricia Schwarz in a letter to the editor in the Oct. 30th issue of the ODE. This may be true, but stoned drivers are also 150% more likely to pull a U-turn in the middle of a four lane highway after passing a Jack-in-the-Box, so the numbers are deceiving.
On Mandela
I didn't know what Nelson Mandela did. I didn't know he was President of Africa.
-Girl in ELTA 407 Leadership class. Yeah, it was a tough job ruling all over the entire continent, but not as big a job as Winston Churchill faced as Prime Minister of Europe or Ronald Reagan ruling over the Western Hemisphere.
Mandela? He saw a job that needed to be done, nutted up, and took care of his business.
-A follow-up reply. Excellent point, good fellow. No doubt his chapter in history will be titled, Putting Up For Democracy, or Takin' Care of Apartheid With Extreme Prejudice.
On Burgers
One of the girls is smart, and nice and everything you'd want in a girl but she's just plain. Then you have the other one, a nothing burger with boobs.
- Speaker at a conservative college publication convention in response to a staffer's theory that women always travel in symbiotic pairs with one the physical attraction to would-be suitors, while the other is the individual of substance. Wish we could put things that succinctly, but we were distracted by the cute one.
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