Spew

and our favorite Bob

On History and Tolerance

Oh, that Holocaust.
-Spanish GTF Rose Seifert, trying to comprehend a student's explanation of a trip to the National Holocaust Museum, in Washington, DC.

I do not. From anybody. Expect a perfect tenses. Then you will be like me.
-Seifert, continued. Nobody knew what the hell she was talking about, but the class was scared enough to laugh along with her, lest they end up in one of those camps.

On Big Dicks

You're not as big a dick as I thought you'd be.
-Oregon Daily Emerald Managing Editor Jessica Blanchard to an OC editor at the Tiki Lounge. What a coincidence. You're not as big a... oh, wait. Maybe we shouldn't say that.

On The Obvious

The preceding was a joke and not a very good one at that. Please do not us.
-From the KWVA Newsletter. Rest assured: not you we shall.

I'm color blind.
-Richard Sundt, art history professor.

On An "A" for Effort

A good friend of mine has had a cat missing for a few days now, and I told her I would do all that is possible to help find it. If you have seen it or have heard somebody mention something about seeing it, please call me or e-mail a.s.a.p.
-ASUO Executive Candidate Eric Bailey, posting to the reslife listserv. We have some bad news, Eric....

On Roadkill

We like to eat critters, so we kill them.
-Goofy Biology prof Greg "Goofy" Nelson, just being goofy. Um, yeah, Eric... so about that cat....

On Uncle Duke

What the hell do you think Making a Movie is all about? Nobody needs to here any more of that Gibberish about yr. New Mercedes & yr. Ski Trips & how Hopelessly Broke the Shooting Gallery is....
-Hunter S. Thompson, railing against Shooting Gallery executive Holly Sorenson, over the upcoming film version of The Rum Diary, in a recently-surfaced January 21 fax. Verbatim.

...I'm in a mood to chop yr. fucking hands off.
-Hunter, in conclusion. That's our Hunter.

On Style (and more Tolerance)

The dress code is '80s with a feather boa in honor of the movie Heathers.
-Overheard sorority girl with no sense of self-irony. Remember when popular people killed themselves instead of throwing parties?

I don't know so much about Jewish things. We don't have many Jews in Germany anymore.
-Seifert, yet again showing her deep understanding of all things non-German.

On Women's Studies

We all know how important hair is to women.
-ENG 312 professor Ed Coleman. Well, sure, when they aren't busy shopping for shoes or reading romance novels.

On Optimism

I'm not bitter yet.
-OSPIRG conspirator Melissa Unger, waiting for the results of the ASUO primary election outside Suite Four. Yet, on the OSPIRG website, Melissa Unger is characterized as "bitter." Which is the truth, Melissa?