2001-02 Elections Coverage
Sho Ikeda
The Oregon Commentator interviewed Sho Ikeda on 02/19/01.OC: In ten words or less, how would you describe your campaign?
SI: I like... river... uh... Meow Mix... please deliver... yeah.
OC: Please repeat that, a little smoother, for the record.
SI: I like chicken. I like liver. Meow Mix, Meow Mix.
OC: Diversity is always a big issue on campus. What is your position on diversity and how would your administration handle the issue?
SI: Define diversity.
OC: That is the question. It's strictly up to you.
SI: I believe diversity kills. Carmen Electra.
OC:What is your position with regard to the funding of OSPIRG?
SI: Yeah, I mean, I think the funding of OSPIRG is great. I mean, they're out there, you know, doing their stuff, helping sweatshop workers, increasing the awareness of communism on this campus. I mean, that's great stuff. It's good to help poor Vietnamese people and help the starving kids in Africa and to stop the nuclear arms race between us and the Soviet Union. And getting Nixon out of office. Good stuff.
OC:Every year, candidates for ASUO office contend that student government can and will serve the majority of students on campus. Every year, this never actually happens. Is this possible, or is it just an empty promise that everyone makes?
SI: Student government will always be full of compulsive masturbators, and that's the bottom line. However, I think the student government would be able to make a difference if they got more hot chicks in the Student Senate. And if they were compulsive masturbators.
OC: What efforts would you make to control the costs of attending the university associated with tuition and incidental fees?
SI: I would have all incidental fees go toward my bank account, therefore making it easier for me to attend school.
OC: We're through with our questions, so this is your forum to tell us what you're going to do with your administration next year.
SI: Well, I'll give the same spiel I gave to the Emerald. I am the Middle Prophet of the Church of Wazeth. There is a First Prophet and a Last Prophet. We are a very, very large religion, and in fact, probably the largest religion in the world, considering the fact that every person here is a member of the Church of Wazeth, whether they know it or not. If you are unhappy with this idea that you are a member of this church and do not want to belong to this church, just send five dollars money - money order or cash to the Church of Wazeth, payable to the Church of Wazeth. Wazeth is spelled W-A-Z-E-T-H. Praise Wazeth.