Spew
and our Pete
On Ma, Don't Drink It All
You guys aren't driving are you?
-A morally-compelled, not to mention financially-liable, OC liquor-store clerk to an elderly, dirty-quite possible intoxicated-mother-daughter duo browsing the shelves at the Willamette Plaza liquor store.
You know I don't drive. I blow 190-proof!
-The daughter, in reply. Good: the OC is proud to report drinking and driving is a bad, bad thing. Unless, of course, you're in a golf cart.
On Feminism
At one time I thought I knew what it was, but now I've heard so many different things I'm not sure anymore, so I wish somebody'd tell me.
-Local genius Michael Kelley in the November 2000 Siren, about feminism. We're a little fuzzy on the subject, too. In search of answers, we took a side trip to the Great Alaskan Bush Company, and let us tell you: those girls were no help at all.
On El Presidente
If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator.
-George W Bush, at a December 18 press conference. Finally, a Republican administration. We feel a lot safer now - at least they're honest.
I think he'll be humble, I think he'll be strong. I think he'll be a street fighter.
-Former Ohio Rep. John Kasich, on the ABC News telecast of the Bush inaugural. Perhaps, but will he reach the heights attained by Ken, Ryu, or the beautiful Chun Li? If he picks up the bottle again, maybe he's got a shot at Blanka - maybe.
On Damnzig
I bet you'd drive better with that cell phone up your ass!
-Inscribed on the wall of the men's bathroom at Rennie's, right next to an advertisement with the illustration of a duck standing at a urinal, talking on a cell phone. Announcement: "Hang up and piss" bumper stickers are available in Room 205 of the EMU. We accept cash, but prefer Beretta 9mms.
On Drunk Golf
Drinking? I'm not interested in that any more. It doesn't have any appeal to me. I can't remember the last time I had one
-One time PGA star John Daly-fresh from rehab-in a January 19, 2001 Golf Week article. Funny, we can't remember the last drink we had either. No drinking? Does that mean no tournament-quitting, fighting, swearing or midweek rampages in Atlantic City, either. We prefer the old Daly-someone we can identify with.
On Things Better Left Unscene
Serial Cyrus: I'm not going to talk about this band for too long, because I'm in it. But, I will tell you about our music. Wouldn't you if you wrote your own magazine?
-From the first edition of the Unscene. Actually, we do write our own magazine - and here we frown upon self-indulgence. We shouldn't have to tell you.There are numbers of great bands that don't get heard because of poor advertising and because kids don't go out. They stay at home playing video games or having cyber sex.
-Unscene, again. No, actually there are a number of great bands that don't get heard in the Eugene area because all of the great bands do not play in the Eugene area.
On The Nightly News
There's nothing better than this. Well, sex, bourbon and Cigars.
-Dan Rather on doing the CBS Nightly News. Indeed. It doesn't get much better than that.
On Open Call
Attention! Late breaking news... Our drummer just quit. Call the Unscene if you want to play drums in a band.
-Unscene, for the last time. Sure, we'll play drums in a band, but can you arrange for it to be Guns N Roses? Actually, scratch that - we're too busy having cyber sex.