Spew

On We Still Own You

Correction: Jan Hagenbrook designed last issue's cover and was not acknowledged for his talents. We apologize for this and severely regret this mistake.
-Oregon Voice, November 2000. We feel comfortable speaking for everyone here when we say: no one even remembers what was on the cover of the last Voice issue. Of course, this is the publication whose Executive Editor double-checks to make sure her name appears on every page. Come on Jan, some recognition isn't worth it. Really. Correction: Jan Hagenbrook designed last issue's cover and was not acknowledged for his talents. We apologize for this and severely regret this mistake.

Looking for a little weekend hotspot to shake your groove-thang? Are you a fan of beer, dancing and fresh sashimi? Well look no further OV readers, 'cause we've got just the place for you!
-From the same issue. Someone who drinks, dances and is a so-called "OV reader?" Really, what are the odds? The planets align more often than this publication is enjoyed on this campus.

On Hello, My Name Is...

Tell me what your name is. Or actually, you're telling everyone. It's like an AA meeting.
-ENG 221 GTF Jeremy Popp, to a student. Let's see... Hemingway, Faulkner, Cheever, Sexton, Wolfe, O'Neill, Williams, Fitzgerald... Yep, just like AA.

On The Dogg Weighs In

I don't listen to that type of s--t. They don't play that bulls--t on the stations I listen to... I ain't tired of it 'cause I don't hear it.'
-The inimitable Snoop Dogg, interviewed about the Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out?" in Dec. 25/Jan. 1 Newsweek. (Censorship in the original.)

I'm the Doggfather - nobody bites my style... You need to be original to stay in this game a long time, so they ain't got long. Which means all these questions about them have been a waste of my motherf---ing time.
-Snoop, in conclusion. Damn straight, Snoop. Don't take no smack from that pansy Newsweek reporter. It's time to get Philip Woldemariam on his ass.

On Creative Logic

Bush lost both the popular vote and the electoral vote, but has been installed as the Grand Dragon by the eKstreme Kangaroo Kourt, in a ruling equalled in its perfidy only by the pre-Civil War Dred Scott decision that blacks can't be citizens, and the 1883 decision nullifying the 1865 Civil Rights Act.
-Eugene resident Ann Tattersall in a letter to the Eugene Weekly, January 11. You'd best be advised to hurry up with that degree and get out of town before the revolution comes, because if you're even holding a copy of this magazine, you'll be first against the wall.

On Literacy

I love to read Seventeen magazine, personally... I find it so much more revealing, exciting than Time magazine.
-UO Journalism professor Carl Bybee to his J418 Communication and Democracy class. "Revealing"? Yes. "Exciting"? Yes. "Read"? Ah, so that's what they're calling it these days.

On A Few Yards Short of a First Down

What's bigger, millimeters or centimeters?
-NFL sportscaster John Madden to Pat Summerall during the Giants/Eagles conference semi-final playoff game on Fox. Old football players don't get smarter, they just get fat contracts as television commentators.

You're asking the wrong guy.
-Pat Summerall, in reply to Madden. If the NFL Hall of Fame required a short quiz prior to induction, the place would be emptier than, well, Pat Summerall's head in between games.

On Brutality

We try to follow what we learned at the academy, but sometimes we go for the style points.
-DPS Officer, to a University Housing Resident Assistant after officers repeatedly kicked a suspect who was already on the ground screaming for help. What academy was this? The School of the Americas? If it was good enough for Manuel Noriega, it's got to be good enough for the Department of Public Safety.

On Diversity, Non-

Holden Caulfield is a white, privileged male... In our very diverse schools, the drive to incorporate very multicultural reading is here to stay.
-Michael Moore, of the National Council of Teachers of English, on the trend toward dropping "The Catcher in the Rye" from high school reading lists, in the Jan. 16 Washington Post. No, not that Michael Moore, but we were confused at first, too.