On What Students Want
Any professor who doesn't require double-sided papers has no business being a professor.
-Overheard by OC staff member in the EMU computing lab. And all this time we kept bemoaning the low quality of education here we were looking at the wrong qualifications! Screw seeking professors with a good understanding of their subject and an ablility to articulate it, if they're not eco-zealots, they're not going to be ducks, by doG.
On Dad Drinks Best
Dad called. We have what he wants.
-Readerboard of Northside Liquor store. Finally, somebody understands the drunk bastard. Usually what he says is so slurred, a simple
"hello" sounds like he's reciting the Dead Sea Scrolls. And don't even get us started on the holidays, Grandpa and Grandma won't even
come over after last year's "unpleasantess" with the carving knife and Dad's rendition of Sinatra's "My Way."
On Happiness
Our greatest happiness does not depend of the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good
conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.
-Thomas Jefferson, third president of the United States. Since so many of Oregon's schools aren't meeting their general requirements,
we thought you might have missed this one in high school. Love, the guys at the OC.
On Sweet 'n' Sour Spew
Bitter words are good medicine...
Sweet words carry infection.
-Chinese proverb. Just thought we'd remind you why we continue to spew people every year. And thus it begins anew.
On What Dreams May Come
Aggression, misfortune, and physical threats characterize Republican nightmares, while familiar settings and friendly characters
poplulate the kinder, gentler bad dreams of Democrats.
-VNY.com's "Nightmares Plague Republicans, Says Study." No kidding, moron. It's the same pansies who have good dreams and trust
other people that think we should cut military spending and increase poverty payments. Next they'll demand free public education for
everyone. Will it never end?
On Me at Market, D.C.
If you're the kind of person that has affairs or looks for opportunities, you're not going to have a very hard time finding them in Washington.
-Former Congressman and Senate candidate Rick Lazio on picking finding fleeting romances in the natons capitol. Rick's wife could not
immediately be reached for comment, but reports have an icy silence
following his usual dinner statement, "Sorry I got home late from
the office, honey. Bambi and I had to go over some figures."
On Lobo Loco
I was reading a newspaper article about Rebecca Lobo's last game at U Conn. I started crying. Crying! At the sports page! I knew the
drugs were hurting me menatlly. I had to be more careful.
-Charles Van Deventer in his Newseek piece titled, "I'm Proof: The Drug War Is Working." Glad to hear it, Chuck. Sometimes we get so
drunk we almost get misty-eyed at that part in The Godfather when Michael has to kill Fredo. Almost.
On Knowing One's Place
I'm not here becuase I'm particularly smart or have any specific ideas. I'm here because eight percent of you voted for me.
-Outgoing ASUO Exec. Jay Breslow. People accused Jay of many things, but they could never accuse him of overselling his mandate.
Now if he would have accomplished something, he would've gone down in history. | |