Based on this introductory paragraph, what would you say is the main idea of this essay? What is the purpose of this essay?
In my last university, I was selected as a leader of "economic society" club, which is one of the official clubs in university. As a leader, I heard theother student opinions, and the biggest problem of us was the relationship among the students. From this experience, I learned the difficulty of the relationship.
How could this introduction be improved?
Ask yourself the following questions about your in-class essay.
1. What is the most important idea I want to communicate to my reader in this essay?
This is the thesis of your essay and should be the first or last sentence in your introductory paragraph. After the reader reads this sentence (or you may need two sentences) He/she can predict or imagine what you are going to say in your essay.
2. Why do I want to communicate this idea to my reader?
Is your purpose clear in your essay? If not, how can you make it clear?
3. What topics will I use to develop my thesis (main idea) and what do I want to say about them?
Some of the thesis statements below are clear, while others are weak or unclear. Which ones do you think are clear?
1.In this story, "School Days of an Indian Girl," there are a lot of examples of conflicts: language, education and culture. First, I could see that the Indian girl was experiencing language conflict because she had a difficult time expressing her feelings.
2. The differences in society, customs, culture and values as sources of conflict are closely inter-related in "School Days of an Indian Girl." These factors often influence how we are treated and how we respond to different circumstances in our lives. I will examine the how differences in values and customs influence interaction in society.
3. In this article there are many sources of conflict. One of them is separation from parents, land and culture. In our modern global culture, being separated from familiar people and places is more common and kind of easy to accept. In the past however, this kind of separation was difficult to achieve or choose. Changes in our world have changed our options and results.
4. This story was full of conflict from many sources. The one she felt most strongly was differences in cultural values.
I am now twenty-one years old, nearly twenty two. That age is thought to be a very mature age in general. I agree with that. I think a person that age is very mature, adult, and independent. Although I lived with my parents in Japan, I thought I was independent from them mentally. I thought independence meant living by myself without someone's help. But I changed my mind completely when I came here.
I think that independence does not mean to live alone but means to become healthily dependent on other people. I need others' help to live independently and others need my help as well. That is independence; I recognize that now.
If a person asked me what the most important and difficult thing to get in my life is, I would not answer "money." Instead, I would say "the bonds of friendship." Why would I answer this way? It is because of something that happened to me last year.
I learned it is very time-consuming and hard to grow, invisible to see, impossible to buy, but I am sure that it shows me new points of view, reflects a self I don't know, gives me power to get over hardship, difficulty, conflict, and makes my life more fresh and enriched. Having the bonds of friendship is more difficult than having money, but its value is more precious than that of money.
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